The Youngest Darcy
by NormaJeanne
Summary: Frank Darcy, heir to a billion-dollar empire starts a complicated relationship with the shy librarian Elizabeth of the fictional town of Beardsley
1. THE YOUNGEST DARCY

"I don't have any friends", I mumbled to him as he asked me what I do with my free time.

"I didn't really see around here in this town much before tonight", he asked while he saw me wipe myself with my towel.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "I've known a lot of people here in Beardlsey, including your parents" he said, "but I they never mentioned you much."

I was looking for my panties. I really hoped they would show themselves to me because I didn't want to stay naked for so long before him in this way.

"I guess there isn't much to mention there" I replied, "I am just a librarian, nothing much special about me."

While I was trying to avert his gaze, I heard him gently clear his throat. I looked up kind of reflexively, and saw him holding up my pink lace panties with that grin and a sideways glance that made my insides melt.

I felt my cheeks burn as I reached out for them from the other side of the bed. He handed them to me while looking at my face. I was too shy to make eye contact but while I was moving my gaze around I saw this amused expression on his face like he was witnessing something interesting. Maybe he sensed my discomfort.

"So you've never had any friends, ever?" he asked while I sat on the edge of my bed with my back towards him. "I do have friends, just not many close ones", I replied.

"What does that mean?" he said with a chuckle. "I have Charlotte, she works with me at the library", I caught myself saying these as I found my bra exactly where I remembered my panties were. "But she is not fun when she is drunk". I decided to wear my tshirt instead. I hoped that we would be making love once more in a while.

I turned towards him to see that he was intently staring at his phone screen. Did he even listen to what I was saying? I wanted to ask him that out loud. I decided to stay quiet to see if he'll notice that I've stopped talking.

"So this why you were at the bar alone?" he asked rather sternly without shifting his gaze.

"Not really. She also has a life, unlike me." I peeped into his phone trying to see what he was really doing.

He turned his phone away and looked at me. This time I could not resist looking away. He had a gentle smile while his eyes looked into mine. I felt coyness in them, as if he noticed me trying to peek into his phone but he was mildly amused by that.

I didn't say anything for a few seconds. "What do you do with your time if you don't have any friends? Who do you go shopping with?" he murmured in a low husky voice, looking at my mouth.

"Oh I don't enjoy shopping really" I replied, kind of apologetically. "I think you can tell that from my clothes" I said smiling while gesturing towards what I was wearing. He chuckled again and sat up a bit, bending a bit forward while looking at me intently. I thought I have caught his attention now.

"I was in the town after a very long time" he started. "My mother really liked the library"

I remembered what my mother said about his mother, Mrs. Catherine Darcy, the day she died. "She was the last kind person of the Darcy family" I remember her saying with certain sadness.

"I'm sorry about your mother, I heard she was good", I replied awkwardly, even though I have never heard anything about her in my life. He fixed his gaze on my feet.

"I am sure my mother misses her." I desperately tried to bridge the awkward silence.

"How long have you been working in the library?" he asked.

"Almost two years now" I said eagerly. "and when did you graduated from college?" he asked abruptly. He switched between topics a lot. As if he doesn't want me to steer the conversations.

"last year" I replied. "What was your major?" he asked.

"English lit" I replied. He gave a smirk that seemed a bit mirthful to me. "What?" I asked smiling a bit. "I always forget the charms of this…" he paused for a few seconds as he furrowed his brows, probably filtering his thoughts, "_town_" he said with the mirth intensified while he reached for his phone. "What would you like to eat?" he asked with an instant change in his tone.

"What do you mean?" I asked again, retaining my smile but starting to get a bit frustrated as well.

"Don't get me wrong, Liz. I was expecting you to be more like your parents. You are kind of basic." He said.

"Is it a bad thing?" I asked.

He looked at me for a couple of seconds and then burst into a gentle laugh. I didn't know what else to say, I felt a bit stupid.

"No, little Liz, it is not a bad thing" he said to me like a grown-up, "maybe you're too young to be anything else right now."

I felt a huge weight dropping down my stomach. Was he making fun of me? For a few seconds I felt a bit ashamed.

"Elizabeth? Would you like some pizza?" he asked peering into my face, as if he just didn't say all those things he did.

"How old are you, Frank?" I blurted out, almost shouted at him.

He started to laugh. "I'll be 36 in December" he replied.

"36? Are you serious? Aren't you said to be the youngest Darcy?" I said to his face. "Really? They call me that?" he replied with the same grin and amused expression, "so you have heard about me?"

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"I'm just a bit surprised that is all" he said getting a bit defensive, "I thought that I knew everyone in the town."

"You kinda do" I said looking away, "at least the important ones anyways."

"But how young did you think I was?" he asked.

"I don't know, I didn't know you were that old. You definitely don't look old" I said slightly embarrassed of myself, "I mean like, not in late-30s or something… you know…."

"I'd take that as a compliment Elizabeth" he said in this low, calming, melty voice while he moved his eyes to my mouth again. He stroked my thigh and ran his hand to my knee and calf. His hand paused at my calf, where he stroked my stretch marks. I tried to pull away my leg. He gently held it.

He pulled himself closer to me. I tried to make eye contact but I felt smaller and smaller every second. Finally I looked away towards his big hand that was still on my leg.

"You are exactly what I need right now, Elizabeth." He murmured seductively as he nuzzled my hair. "And what is that you need?" I whispered nervously.

"Someone who doesn't talk much, just like you" he said as he gently pulled my face towards him.

"So what are we? Dating?" I asked. "No" he replied, "I hope you don't mind".

"No I really don't" I said as he kissed me. It was like I was biting into sweet soft butter. I felt like was slipping into his embrace.

"Are we friends?" I asked as he paused to let me breathe. He pulled me onto his lap as I felt something that made my head fuzzy.

"You want to be friends with me?" he asked as he slipped his hands into my tshirt and moved them along my tiny paunch in a way I never thought any man would.

"No" I replied frantically as I gave myself in completely and he picked me up and laid me down on the bed.

This time I made sure I remember where he was putting my panties after taking them off.


	2. Workplace Grapevine

"I heard that that Bingley guy, John, is going to stay here in Beardsley for the winter" said Charlotte handing me my mug of coffee. "Yeah I know" I replied mechanically.

"Does your mother know anything about him? I heard she is trying to set up Jane with him", Charlotte said while stamping some new books.

"I don't attend any of my mother's parties Charlotte." I replied rather irritated.

Charlotte sensed my discomfort as she continued pushing the stack aside, "I think Jane and John would make that perfect couple you see only on instagram. Even their jobs are picture perfect"

"In what world is an international human rights lawyer getting married to a Los Angeles producer 'picture-perfect'?" I asked rather confused.

"Do you live under a rock Lizzie? What do you call Amal and George Clooney?" Charlotte retaliated.

"I'm sure they are very happy and successful people, Char. But I don't think that should really be the deal maker. If Jane actually like the 'John' part more than the 'Bingley' one; that is when I think she would be making a good decision" I said as I noticed a pimpled teenager picking his nose absent-mindedly as he was staring out the window besides his desk.

"Says the daughter of Emma Bennet of all people" taunted Charlotte as she scoffed over her mug of herbal tea.

It was very difficult to escape the brutal irony of my life even for me; I don't think it would be fair to blame Charlotte for being rude. Elizabeth Bennet, daughter of the successful lawyer Gerald Bennet and Beardsley socialite Emma Bennet, sister of Jane Bennet, Yale-graduate, 5'10, blonde with blue eyes and the life of every party. Elizabeth Bennet, a nominal bachelor's degree in English literature, started working as a librarian for the town library while she worked on her first novel. Calling me even a "black sheep" would be an understatement. But it would be at least partly right, for I'm the only 5'2 brunette in a family of tall blondes.

"Jane and John would actually be better than the Clooneys" Charlotte continued, "The age difference isn't too much among them as it is between Amal and George". I felt like someone was pulling at my stomach.

"John invited me to this Halloween party he's throwing at his estate uptown" I said as I tried to change the topic.

"Really?" said Charlotte sitting up straight in her chair. "Yeah" I replied with a smile as a couple of girls came up to the counter to return some books.

"Are you going?" Charlotte asked with a grin on her face as she glanced sideways at me. "Yeah I have to. Jane is coming a day before" I replied looking at the library cards I was handed. "This one is overdue, Miss" I said to one of the girls at the counter holding "Lady Chatterley's Lover" towards them.

"I don't remember issuing it", said the red-haired confused teen. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah hon it was your mother", interrupted Charlotte maintaining that coy grin of hers which was now directed at the ginger. "I'm sure she forgot to tell you about it"

There was a few seconds of an awkward pause between the four of us until ginger's raven haired friend blurted out laughing with a ridiculous snort. Charlotte smiled gently towards the embarrassed ginger as she said, "it's okay Katie, we'll let it pass. But tell your mother that she shouldn't issue books on your card like this. If she wants to read books she can ask you to issue it so that she can return it on time".

"So Jane is coming on the 30th?" asked Charlotte turning towards me with her good-natured smile. "Yes I think she'll stay here till Thanksgiving" I replied. "I'm sure it was your mother who called her" said Charlotte returning to her computer screen, "Mrs. Bennet is not going to let any opportunity to acquire a Bingley go to waste".

I scoffed cynically as I quietly agreed with her. My mother's biggest obsession has always been the maintenance of her image as "the most fabulous woman of Beardsley". Forgoing a career in modeling, she made the "ultimate sacrifice" by marrying a wealthy Lawyer and settling down in this lovely idyllic town nestled in the hills. I kind of feel sorry for her sometime, her ambition never allowed her to see how good the town and the people were. Her obsession with how "things should be" never appreciated Jane's intellect and kindness. When people look at her they see the squeaky clean record of Yale and travelling around the world helping with causes that people only read about, but it was me and dad who saw how hard Jane's image was to her own self as she tried to do something more than just pose for Calvin Klien underwears. I still remember the time she told me about that professor in her freshman year who legitimately thought that Jane has slept her way into Yale because he just couldn't believe how genuinely smart she was.

"Will that Darcy guy be there too?" asked Charlotte rather nonchalantly. I felt like I was caught off guard, I actually found myself struggling for words. _Does she know about that?_

"I... don't know…I …." I stammered like an idiot as I was scanning a library card into the system.

"I heard he is going to take care of the businesses here for the few months to come" said charlotte emptying her cup of tea. "He lives in one of those condos downtown, right in the middle of the city" she continued oblivious to my discomfort, thankfully.

"I never really knew much about the Darcy's you know" I said braving myself a bit.

"They've always been low profile. Except for the mother, the one who died last year", said Charlotte. "Mrs. Darcy was really charming lady. Your mother knew her a bit, but her husband and sons all spent most of their time in London, which is why you might not know much about them".

"And what about the one who moved here this fall?" I asked nervously.

"Frank?" said Charlotte raising an eyebrow. "He's okay I guess. People say that he is the one who is going to manage almost everything, now that his elder brother is settled in London. He'll inherit almost everything".

Charlotte gave me a side glance before looking around to see if anyone was listening. Then she leaned towards me and said in a low voice, "I have also heard that he had a fling with Yolanda, you know, that classmate of yours from your school".

"Yolanda?" I said, shocked. "Yeah the one with the really long hair", said Charlotte with a mischievous smile and glittering eyes.

"I know who she is. I ran into her the other day" I said louder than I ought to thinking about the day I saw her outside the bathroom of the bar where I was having drinks two weeks ago.

"I didn't knew she was in town", Charlotte said, seemingly disappointed as her piece of gossip didn't illicit the response that she wanted from me.

"Yeah her sister got married last month" I replied as my mind was raging.

"I don't really know much about Darcy" Charlotte said rather defeated, "he's impossibly secretive and all, you know, Keeps a rather low profile."

"Yeah, or I would have known about him before" I said, "the only time I knew about him was when he comes here with some hollywood producer."

"I doubt if you need to show-off if you're a billionaire" Charlotte chuckled.

"Billionaire?" I asked, failing at controlling my surprise. Charlotte looked at me for a few seconds and then retained that calm comforting expression of hers saying, "Why do you think a Hollywood producer would hang out with a guy like Frank Darcy, Lizzie? The guy is one of the most prominent financiers of the entire East Coast! They had him in Forbes for like, 6 times now" she said like a wise sage. "And his personal life isn't too inconsistent with that image. He has a history with women. He might not be very public about his life but his exploits are still very famous. ", Charlotte said while scoffing a bit.

I sat staring at my own hands, wondering just how stupid I was by going into bed with a man about whom I knew absolutely nothing. It was in the course of a casual workplace conversation with a nosey colleague of mine that the most important facets of his life were being told to me. After spending an entire weekend holed into that downtown condo of his, the only thing I knew about him was that he takes his morning coffee without any sugar.

Why these things didn't come up? Or they did but he conveniently avoided answering them? I don't exactly remember asking him these things. I did not really want to. Maybe I don't care.

I started to think about the sex, all three days of it, the hazy light in his bedroom and his smell. In that moment I wanted him, but thinking about everything I was told in the past few minutes, I wondered if it was the right thing to do.

Should I talk to someone about it? I wondered if I could trust loud mouth charlotte with this information, especially after seeing her talk about Yolanda.

Before I could do anything, my phone buzzed. It was a text: "Meet me at the Italian place near my condo at 7:30 sharp. I have reservations. I'll drop you at your apartment tomorrow morning"

What should I reply with? No? "No you lying son of a bitch!" I had the urge to scream to the library hall instead of screaming that to the man behind the text. Even if I didn't ask for it, why didn't he tell me that he used to date Yolanda? Does he think that I'm stupid? That it doesn't matter if I do or do not know?

But I wanted him so much. I can't believe how good he was, how great and mind-clearing the 3 orgasms that I had in one trip were. A part of me said to throw Charlotte and her vapid gossip out of the window and be there at 7:15 (in case he arrives early). It doesn't matter even if he has screwed all the women of Beardsley. As long as he wants YOU every weekend, Enjoy his powerful thrusts and broad chests for as long as it lasts. It's a lot less painful to feel shitty than it is to feel shitty and horny.

But the bigger question was: what was I even doing? Me, a boring librarian, barely out of college who only fucked hammer-faced college classmates till now, is on the beck-and-call of a literal billionaire? I didn't knew if I was supposed to be proud of it or scared of it. It is quite obvious that it isn't love. Seeing his face in the bar was enough for me (or the unnumbered shots of tequila in me) to approach him, you see, I saw him for the first time in this wretched city. When you're drunk and you're craving just anything, god please, just anything other than the same plastic faces, same walls closing in on you, the tall dark and mysterious guy who came out of nowhere in your boring small town is like a blessing.

I went to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water. I looked into the mirror and saw what I was wearing: A brown woolen skirt till my knees, a checkered shirt that doesn't really fit me, a peach cardigan. Look at me, what a joke I have become. What should I do? End this here and now? Maybe. But what other options do I have? Isn't this experience enough for you? I don't want to become a choosing beggar now, do I?

I picked up the phone and typed: "how about your place in an hour for a quickie?"

I felt the first pangs of panic after hitting the send button. But I wasn't afraid of the response. The panic was just me worrying if I won't be screwed within the next hour.

I waited for 10 minutes in the bathroom when I decided that I had made a fool of myself. I tried to laugh at myself and started to leave for my desk when my phone buzzed.

"I will pick you up from the library in 10 minutes, be ready

Love, Frank"


	3. The Halloween Surprise

"Oh Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!" I exclaimed as we looked down into the lawn filled with a crowd of people and a group of waiters navigating the different clusters of well-dressed folk. The _crème de la crème _of Beardsley, all of them, down there holding their martinis and devouring Hors-d'œuvre. "Yep, they're all here" said Jane, agreeing to my thoughts like she has been since forever.

"Jane!" I saw Charlotte scream as we descended down the stairs into the lawn. "It's so good to see you!" she said while hugging her. Jane replied with her usual sweet smile and did the formalities. "I saw your photos on instagram, from that seminar. You looked absolutely stunning! What were you wearing?" said Charlotte breathlessly. "Oscar de la Renta, my favorite. Besides, you're not in Milan everyday" said Jane.

"Oh my god Jane!" we heard a sound from our right as we turned around and saw a tall blond man coming towards us with a beaming smile. "John!" Jane returned his enthusiasm as she proceeded to hug Bingley. Another woman soon followed him who shared his appearance a bit.

She looked at Jane with cold eyes and a rigid smile.

"I thought you were still in New York. I thought you'd never make it to my party. Although I hoped you would" John said while his eyes were steadfast into Jane's. It was almost like he was a little bit nervous. "Yeah I just landed yesterday." Jane replied while she glanced over the woman behind John.

"Jane I want you to meet my sister Carol" said John gesturing towards the other tall blonde woman. She hugged Jane while retaining the plasticity of her smile and reverted back to the spot she was standing on mechanically.

"John, this is my sister Elizabeth, and this is her friend Charlotte" Jane said while looking at both of us like a mother.

"Oh so you're Lizzie!" said John while bending a little towards me. It made me feel short but he had a generous smile. "Jane has told me you're a writer!" John said. I looked around at Jane for a second with a moment of exasperation and replied, "Yeah I have a blog but I'm working on a project".

I noticed that John saw my slight discomfort and he switched the topic smoothly. "Are you girls enjoying the party?" he asked while looking at all three of us.

"I thought it was a Halloween party" I asked making sure that I was loud enough.

"Well, I did mention that it was a costume party on the invites but nobody paid any attention to that, all everyone read was "bar open at 9 Pm" and that was enough for them!", he said while chuckling into a laugh. All of us joined into it obediently besides Carol, who sneered while looking around.

"But all three of you look really good" he said glancing over the three of us again. His gaze lingered a bit on Jane.

"Jane! I need you to meet some people. Ladies, if you don't mind, can I borrow your precious Jane for a while?" he asked looking intently at me and Charlotte.

"Oh, she's all yours John…." said Charlotte with a sly smile.

John laughed as he blushed and looked down. "Go on and have some drinks" he said while he began to turn around and lead Jane into the crowd. I heard his voice dying out as they moved further, "Now, do anything but don't mention the name Weinstein before him….." he said softly in Jane's ears. Carol glowered at the both of us as soon as they dissolved into the crowd and turned away rolling her eyes.

"Do you think he likes Jane because she looks like her sister?" I asked Charlotte while giving her a smile. "Lizzie! Come on!" Charlotte looked at me wide-eyed. "I think he really likes her".

"Yeah I still have my doubts about it" I said while we walked around slowly. "Lizzie, being so cynical always doesn't work" Charlotte said in a low serious voice.

As soon as I spotted the bar, a group of girls called out Charlotte from behind a group of people.

"Should I get you a drink?" I asked looking at them, seeing if I knew anyone. I didn't

"No I'm fine. Go ahead and have one I'll see you around" Charlotte said as she went away.

I ordered a Manhattan as I waited on the bar stool. I looked around to see politicians, businessmen and a whole lot of tanned men, which I presume were many of Bingley's LA friends. Just as I took my first sip, I heard someone say "Elizabeth Bennet, is that you?". I looked to my left to see a dark-haired, square jawed man looking at me with an amused smile. I looked at him for a few seconds in confusion before I realized, "Aidan?"

"What the hell happened to you? Did you lose weight?" he asked while coming to a stool besides me. "And what about you did you lose your glasses?" I asked back with a smile. He chuckled and blushed a little while gripping on his whiskey glass. The glasses were not the only change in Aidan Garner, my classmate from school, who I vividly remember as being the skinny guy with braces and thick rimmed glasses. As of now though, he was dressed rather crisply. And his chest looked a lot broader than I remember.

"I heard you got into Harvard" I asked as I looked at his face, trying to find the shy kid who used to silently sit behind me. "Yeah corporate law" he replied while nodding slowly.

"Yeah I know. My mother won't shut up about it" I said while rolling my eyes. He laughed, "sorry about that" he said while staring into his glass.

"Where are you right now then?" I asked. "New York" he said.

"And how do you know Bingley?" I asked while I received my Manhattan.

"Oh, I don't really. I have just known him for some 6 months." He said while he raised his glass to his lips. I subconsciously raised mimicked him.

I took a nice big sip of the drink as he continued, "yeah I mostly know John through Frank, you know, Frank Darcy".

I snorted a decent amount of my Manhattan and I'm pretty sure some of it choked my throat. I grabbed a napkin to wipe some off my jacket lapel.

"Whoa, you okay?" Aidan asked concerned. "Yeah I'm fine" I strained through my choked throat. "You work for Darcy?" I asked avoiding eye contact.

"My firm does. But I am thinking about leaving New York. Darcy thought it would be a good idea to be around someone like Bingley if I want any chance to move to LA. He's a nice dude. You should know, he's your homeboy!" he said.

I drained my remaining Manhattan as I noticed Aidan stare at me. "Would you excuse me I need to go to the bathroom. Do you know where it might be?" I asked as I slammed my glass on the bar. "First-floor right hand side, besides the staircase" he said looking towards the mansion beyond the lawn. "It was nice to see you again" I said to him as I started towards the lawn.

I stood outside the door, on the balcony that looked down to the corridor that led to the lawn. I stood at a safe corner and took out a cigarette from my purse. The music, the noise and the crowd was unnerving and Jane had no intention of going home, why would she? She was having a blast, While I was hiding myself besides a toilet to smoke.

I was just about to light my cigarette when I heard some steps on the stairs besides the toilet. I put my lighter away and moved into the toilet. I stood there to hear if the steps would go away so that I can at least smoke in peace. But then came a noise too.

"Frank! Come one buddy don't do this to me" it was John. "John, I did everything you asked me for, I even met your new love interest. This is the most I can do. I have a meeting tomorrow" I heard Frank, kind of irritated for the first time.

"You barely met anyone!" Frank said somewhat loudly, his voice echoed through the hall.

"Well I met Jane, the one person for whom you threw this entire party" said Frank as he took one step upwards. I listened with my heart beating faster. Cynical or not, I couldn't help but think of Jane and smile.

"Frank, that is not how this works!" John said chuckling a bit. "At least meet her sister too"

My throat fell into my stomach. "Who?" Frank asked rather quietly.

"We pointed towards her when Jane mentioned her, don't you remember? The girl who was sitting at the bar? Talking to your lawyer, Aidan? _she _is Jane's sister!" John said excitedly.

"She doesn't look like her sister at all" I heard Frank mumble. "Yeah she doesn't but she's kinda cute, and she is very hilarious, Jane talks a lot about her. If only you could talk to her she'll…" John was talking gently but he was interrupted.

"I'm not interested in some plain small town idiot who doesn't know shit about anything. What am I going to talk to her about? Memes? You know I don't have time for such nonsense John. She looks very immature. Now I'm telling you I have to attend some very important meetings tomorrow" the fire came out of his mouth as he continued up the stairs and walked towards the other side of the corridor.

A few seconds later I heard Bingley's disappointed steps down the stairs. I stood there holding an unlit cigarette in my mouth for some five minutes as my phone buzzed once. I desperately hoped it was Jane asking where I was. But it wasn't. It was from Frank.

"Are you free tomorrow at 2:30? How about a lunch-time quickie?"

I typed in a reply:

"How about you fuck yourself?"


	4. Birthday Preparations

I sit in front of my laptop with a blank document staring back at me mockingly. My creativity was suffering from a writer's block instigated by almost 2 weeks of no-sex that I was having. My ego was now beginning to hide behind my body whose physical need was overpowering any sense of self-worth that was left in me. I picked up my phone again for the 24th time in the past hour and opened the conversation again. "How about you fuck yourself?" the text read at 9:45 PM on October 31st. my heart sank further into desolation. _Should I call him? Why hasn't he replied? _I guess it was finally time I said good bye to that nice big thick….

"Lizzie grab your coat we're going shopping", Jane entered my room. "What for?" I asked while shutting down my laptop. "For your birthday party. Don't you remember?" she said smiling sweetly.

I almost forgot about the darn party! I silently cursed myself. It was one of those years when I was having a birthday party in the sprawling lawns of the Bennet estate which actually had an ulterior motive behind it; considering how it usually have the least amount of people I actually know. The last time it happened it was my 16th, which my mother utilized to its full extent to impress the partners of dad's firm. It worked; his contract was negotiated the very next spring. But I don't exactly resent it, dad and Jane took me out for some ice-cream after that droll affair and gifted me a copy of Mary Wollstonecraft's "_A Vindication of the Rights of Woman_" ; a book my dad considers instrumental in the education of young girls. He's a sweet, cute guy like that, what else can I say.

This year, my 23rd birthday party was a lavish cover to get John Bingley, hot-shot LA producer to attend a party at the Bennets, so that he can spend as much time as he (or the hostess' mother) wants with Jane. And I wasn't the sweet little girl I used to be 7 years back. I am a miserable, lonely, sexually frustrated almost-23 year old woman suffering from a serious case of writer's block. There are very few things that can uplift my spirits.

"We need to buy you a dress" said Jane as we descended down the stairs of the main hall of the Bennet's estate i.e. my parent's lavish bungalow. "Are we going to go to Fiorello's for that?" I asked Jane. "He's the best Lizzie" Jane said as she fished out her car keys from her purse.

"I'm agreeing only because his shop is near my library and you can drop me off afterwards" I said while seating myself besides her.

"Come on Lizzie! He is really good. I've been going there for so long. Don't you remember my prom dress?" she asked as she pulled out of the driveway.

"Yes I do remember, along with the way the nice Italian roasted my butt off" I said remembering that awful time when I used to be less miserable and fatter.

"That was a very long time ago." She said apologetically.

We were lead into a hall with rows and rows of dresses and gowns hanging on fancy hangers and walls lined with tall mirrors. Just as I was about to seat myself on the low-sofas, I heard some rapid footsteps and some equally rapid talking.

With the lapse of a few seconds, a lanky, tall man with salt-and-pepper beard and thick-rimmed glasses entered the room with his eyes fixed on Jane sparkling bright and arms already raised to embrace.

"Jane!" Fiorello exclaimed while he hugged her. "Where have you been? It has been so long! "

"Just working" Jane replied with her usual sweetness. I came a bit closer to her as Fiorello fixed his eyes at me now with confusion. "I'm sure you remember my sister Elizabeth" Jane said as she gestured towards me.

"Impossible!" Fiorello shouted. It almost startled me. "Is that you Lizzie?" he said with his confusion now changing into surprise.

"You have to tell me what you did sweetie!" he said to me. It was weird seeing him talk to me like that considering how he talked to me back when I used to be a hefty 12-year old with pimples and braces. For the first time in my life I noticed how differently people can perceive you if you really do look a particular way. "What plan did you follow?" he asked with a mischievous smile.

"Well it was nothing" I said smiling back, "Just a regular dose of depression and some few generous helpings of 16 different types of eating disorders and you too can get your ego stroked by complete strangers" I heard my own self saying these words.

The expressions of Fiorello's face were hilariously transfixed as Jane giggled nervously. "Oh she has always been funny like that. She was always into dark humour" she said desperately. Fiorello laughed and looked at me intently for a while. "Yep, just like her father, except for the British accent of course" he said taking a moment to compose himself.

Jane commanded Fiorello in her usual gentle way about the kind of dress she has in mind for my birthday and he went away into an adjoining room to look for something. I don't know if it was all those mirrors or the beautiful women shopping in the hall but I felt severely claustrophobic. I searched for a window around and spotted one near a mannequin wearing a flowy pink gown. I went there and opened it a bit and took out my packet of cigarettes. As I lit one and took a couple drags I saw Jane come near me from the corner of my eyes. Even though I was not looking at her eyes, I knew exactly what Jane was thinking, which is why I kind of hoped to avoid them.

"What was all that about?" Jane asked, laughing again nervously. "Nothing" I replied, gluing my eyes outside, into the parking lot.

"Lizzie, can I ask you something?" there it was, the serious yet gentle Jane, who is too sweet to avoid and/or lie to. I braved myself and looked at her.

"Is there something you want to talk to me about?" she said with her big blue eyes filled with genuine care and concern. _Tell her Liz, tell her about Darcy. Tell her she won't judge. She is your sister, she actually cares about you. You HAVE to talk about it to somebody Liz, you can't keep it to yourself like this. You don't have to be so harsh on yourself. Tell her…._

"Jane, I -" I started to say when Fiorello screamed Jane's name while looking around. He spotted the two of us by the window and also the cigarette in my hands. He came smiling rigidly towards us holding a gold mini-dress and said ""Lizzie, honey I know you have gotten very sexy underneath that drab sweater of yours but I hope you don't mind putting that out and shutting the window please? And do come here I have got the most marvelous dress that is going to make you the star of your birthday party!"

Jane dropped me off at the library after a quick little meal where my wuss self wasn't able to gather the courage to talk to her about my life. As if I wasn't sexually frustrated enough, I was now somewhat disappointed in myself too. As I entered my office Red, my assistant came rushing in saying, "There is a gentleman out there who wishes to donate some books, he has been waiting for almost 30 minutes. Should I send him here or are you going to go to the counter?" he asked while he handed me my mug of re-heated coffee.

"No I'll go to the counter" I said while I took the mug, "bring me the receipt book for donations" I said as I picked up a couple of files from my desk that I thought I will clear from the counter. I was late already and there was no time left for my paperwork. Charlotte is going to kill me.

I absent-mindedly walked towards the counter while my eyes were glued to the file. I glanced at the man standing and he had a huge stack of books on the counter in front of him. I saw the paid bills that were yet to be filed by me and took absolutely no notice of the man as I took my place behind the counter.

"So do you want the donation to be anonymous or under the name of an institution?" I asked as I was turning on my computer. I raised the mug up to my lips to take a sip.

"Whatever gets me a conversation with the librarian" I heard a familiar voice speak with a grin. I looked up and accidentally swallowed too big a sip of the cheap coffee. It was Frank Darcy, all 6 feet 2 inches of him standing behind my counter smiling at me in that menacing way he did.

The few moments that my tongue was tied were fortunately over as Red came and handed me the receipt book. As I waited for him to go away at a safer distance, Darcy looked at me with that amused expression and pleasant smile.

"What do you think you are doing here?" I asked as I banged my mug down in front of my computer.

"I am here to donate some of my brother's books to the Library of Beardsley" he said without losing that smile as he gestured towards the stack. I picked up the book on top of it. _One Hundred Years of Solitude_ by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. _His brother has taste._

We looked at each other for a few moments. It was a game that I did not wanted to lose. He has to realize his own mistake. Let me give it my everything.

"What was the text about that day?" yes! HE caved in! finally!

"What do you mean?" I asked without losing eye contact. _Yes Liz, hold your ground._

He gave me a "you-know-what-I'm-talking-about" look. He then sighed deeply and lowered his voice. "Listen" he said as he looked down. _Am I winning?_

"I won't ask you again, you need to tell me what was it that I did that offended you. I don't want to play anymore games. We need to talk about it like adults" he said with a stern expression on his face.

"Oh, like adults? Not like, some plain small town idiot who doesn't know shit about anything?" I asked almost quivering with anger.

I saw his expression change, but not into something I expected. He had a lesser-version of that amused grin as he asked, "Are you spying on me or what?" while he leaned a bit forward.

My starved body was beginning to react to those moves of his but I whipped myself up. I stood straight as I asked, "So you don't deny that you said that about me?"

"No, your honor, I don't" he said as he slowly leaned forward a bit more. His gaze went deep into the reaches of my very soul as I felt like I was about to burst into, well, something. I was beginning to lose my hold.

"Why did you say that?" whatever sane part of me that was left asked.

"To be honest, I didn't mean it. And I do wish I hadn't said that. I don't know if it means anything, but I'm sorry" he said as he looked down at the counter for a second and back at me, now with that full grin of his.

_What?_ I was not expecting it to be that easy. What do I do now? _Ask him to meet you at 9 and get a series of orgasms, _my body was practically screaming. _It wouldn't have mattered even if he wasn't sorry. Just have some nice sex with him and don't worry about what he does or doesn't think about you. The last thing you want right now is to make someone fall in love with you. Or worse, fall in love with someone._

"Am I forgiven or what?" he said standing straight, pretending as if nothing just happened. I know he was looking at me to see if what he did made any affect on me.

"Maybe" I said. "But I think we should talk about it over dinner".

"Talk about what?" he asked a bit confused.

For some reason, I thought about Jane, her voice.

"About boundaries" I said as I started to go through the stack of books in front of me.


	5. The Negotiations

"First things first, you cannot text me whenever you feel like it", I blurted out as soon as the waiter was out of earshot. Darcy looked startled as he said "Jesus Elizabeth! Let us at least get our drinks first!". "I just want to be completely clear about anything between us. There should be no misunderstandings or anything like that", I kept on saying "all these mysterious shenanigans of yours were sexy for as long as your foreplay lasts, after that it just makes me feel awful". I figured this was the first time I was being so honest and upfront with him because I was avoiding any eye contact when I was talking. I looked around in the fancy hall of the restaurant to the other tables and wondered if I was under-dressed for the place. But I guess we did not have much to worry about as Darcy was able to seat us in one of the more private parts, one floor above the rest of them; a position where nobody could see us but we could see everybody.

Drunk on the privilege of seeing all these rich people from a view that made them very unflattering, I absent-mindedly looked at Darcy. He was on the opposite end of the table with his back to the wall, a large Edwardian oil painting was in his background as he sat leaning backwards, with both his hands on the armrest looking at me as if he was making mental notes. The entire setting multiplied the personality of the 6 foot 2 inches tall financier by a factor of at least 5.

"You can text me only after 5 on weekdays and between 9 in the morning to 9 in the night at weekends." I started again this time retaining the eye contact. I haven't even had my whiskey neat yet, how am I being so brave and all? I tried to not show this on my face.

"Make that 11 for the weekend nights" he said, rather stoically.

_So this is where the negotiations start! _I wondered as I couldn't stop myself from smiling a bit. As if on cue, the waiter brought us our drinks: a whiskey neat for me (because why not?) and an old-fashioned for him (the drink that looks best when guys like him hold it in their hands as they fight a million ugly silent wars with themselves).

"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked as he held his tray close to his chest. "Give us 15 minutes" Darcy said without losing his eye contact with me. _Oh really?_ Something inside me raised its head. _He thinks he can close it 15 minutes?_

The waiter left with a cheerful stride as I picked up my glass. I took a first sip and from the corner of my eyes saw Darcy looking at me surprised, he had that grin of his and a twinkle in his eyes as he observed me.

"You sure know how to handle a neat!" he said as he held his glass against the armrest.

"I'm learning" I replied "So, where were we?"

"9 in the morning to 11 at night on weekends. The texting clause" he said rather sarcastically but still smiling. "That would affect my Mondays" I said to him. "You can stay till Monday morning" he said while leaning forward a bit.

I was a bit taken aback at this reply and Darcy noticed it. His grin enlarged a bit as he realized that he has hit the spot. He straightened his back a bit that made his already large shoulders even larger. He sighed with satisfaction and took a secret celebratory sip of his old-fashioned.

I reached for my glass and decided to take a generous sip before I would switch to another topic. I was beginning to get nervous as it has been a while since I had a neat drink and I worried if I would humiliate myself in front of him by puking out whatever fancy dinner we would be having.

"Now about our relationship statuses" I started after burning my insides from a sip that I realized was too big for me to swallow well after I have emptied it in my mouth. "Are we allowed to date other people?" I asked after taking a pause.

He leaned on his side and asked, "Why, are there other men in your life?". "Are there other women in your life?" I retorted back with the whiskey now clearly starting to get into my head. He dropped his grin but not the amused expression altogether, his gleeful eyes now squinted at me a bit. He seemed somewhat mirthful now. Almost dangerous.

"No dating" he said as he reshaped his face into that stoic expression again. "No dating what? No dating other people or no dating each other?" I heard myself saying. I sounded a bit like mother. But I soon realized I asked a very dangerous question.

He chuckled slightly as he retained his incline on his left armchair. He was now smiling at me and was deliberately pausing for effect. I felt like despite everything he was still playing me. _What if he means we can't date each other?_ One hell of a Rorscharch test this neat whiskey is.

"No dating other people, Miss Elizabeth Bennet" he said, drawing the essence of these words to their full potential.

I experienced an involuntary warming up of my cheeks and for a good few moments transcended the 5-star lofty dining hall into the green piercing eyes that were burning into me. I put my hair behind both my ears with only my right hand as Darcy followed these movements of mine. "But it is okay if you want to negotiate on that. You are still a young woman, you shouldn't feel trapped" he mumbled while he attempted to compose himself. Also, it was he who was avoiding eye-contact this time. I doubted whether he was serious about this statement or he was just being formal.

"So if we cannot date other people", I said as he was looking on the floor blankly, "does that mean that we are dating each other?" I completed. He instantly looked up, caught by surprise. He had a faint smile as he looked into the mid-space thinking about it, but soon something crossed his mind that made him lose his smile. He again looked down at the floor, this time intently and frowning a bit. I wondered if I said the right thing. I wasn't prepared what to do next because I didn't knew what was coming next. So the obvious thing to do was to finish the entire neat whiskey, in preparation for both the worst and best case.

"I don't think if we can do that right now Liz" he said looking up with his head slightly tilted. He had a charming smile but he looked dejected, almost like he was pleading. "Can I at least ask why?" I asked as I was slipping into his deep gaze.

He bit his lower lip playfully as he smiled. He looked down from my eyes to my lips, my neck, my chest and then finally resting his gaze at the table. He lifted his eyes again to mine in a movement brimming with coyness, charm, and sharpness that penetrated at the very centre of my being. I started to feel like the negotiations were not going the way I wanted them to. He cannot commit and despite that he expects me to continue whatever it is that we are doing; hell, he might want to continue it _because_ of it.

I was on the verge of an emotional monologue where I would press him continuously to tell me about his romantic past. There was a part of me that was scared of the love life of a 36-year old (almost) billionaire with a divorce and a history of dating models. Then there was another part, the one that was pumping adrenaline at the thought of kissing passionately a guy who majority of American women want to get their hearts broken by.

His phone started vibrating gently. I was startled as I looked around. I leaned back on my chair and started to compose myself so that I can call the waiter. He picked up his phone from the table and to my surprise, he received the call while staying seated. I felt kind of flattered.

"Yeah, I'll be leaving by tomorrow's 8 PM flight", he said as he looked around. "I don't know, why?" he asked while furrowing his brows as he peeped down to the ground floor dining hall nonchalantly. His gaze abruptly stopped and turned slowly towards me. "Really?" he said in a slow, drawn-out way as he started to smile at me as well. The whiskey's effects on my brain were already peaking precariously and added to that was Darcy's look. I wondered who he was even talking to.

"I'll have to check with my assistant but I will see what I can do" he said as he looked away, seemingly pleased. "I will get back to you as soon as I can"

He stared at his phone screen blankly as he hung up while smiling. "What is it?" I asked smiling too.

He looked up with that motion of his eyes again as his gaze paused at me without quivering.

"You didn't tell me it was your birthday on the 23rd", he said with a certain excitement and warmth in his voice. "What?" I replied while losing my smile, surprised, "who were you talking to" I asked as I sat up in my chair.

"Bingley" he said while leaning forward onto the table. "He was asking if I would accompany him and his sister to your party."

It was like I was pulled back into a different planet altogether. I felt like all the whiskey was starting to wear off as soon as my birthday party was brought up.

He was peeping into my lowered face as I was struggling to find some words.

"Listen, Liz" he said in a deep sultry voice, "I don't have a clear answer to whether or not we are or should be dating. All I can say is that" he paused as he bent his head and sighed deeply. He looked up with that dejected look again and continued, "I am a very flawed man and I have made a lot of mistakes. I want you to understand that I don't want anything between us changed which is why I am taking it super slow this time. Now, I am a man who always gets his way in every part of life, but today, I think I can hand you the steering wheel. Because….you're…"

He hesitated. "I'm?" I asked trying to understand his face.

"You're probably one of the smartest women I've ever met, Liz" he blurted out. It was something else because he looked completely submitted and vulnerable. It was borderline intoxicating.

"So, me asking to come to your birthday party can be converted into a step towards dating, Liz. Of course, only if you would invite me first" he said as his eyes danced all around my face which was resting on my hands. I let out a chuckle which he mimicked in a better way than me. "Am I invited?" he asked putting his hands onto my elbows that were on the table.

"YES! YES! YES! OH YES! YES! YEEEESSSSS!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I had an orgasm for the 4th time as I felt him climaxing inside his condom and inside of me. He let a coarse moan out as he collapsed onto me breathing into my hair. "Oh yes Frank!" I let out. "Yes Liz!" Darcy said as he muzzled into my hair.

"Yes you are so invited to my party Frank" I said as I breathed heavily, trying to catch my breath.


	6. The Searching Party

"I am very proud of you Lizzie" father whispered into my ears as I hugged him closely. I didn't wanted to cry in the make-up that Jane spent the better part of the evening doing on me but I definitely felt like something warm and sweet was filling up my chest. I looked up at his face and smiled, and for a moment I was 6 years old again playing with my dearest dad.

I saw the rest of the hall in a haze of gold and champagne. Charlotte came navigating the crowd wearing a black halter-neck dress and a printed shawl. She handed me a thin packet wrapped in gift paper that was heavier than it looked as she gave me her widest grin; which as much as I love it was extremely wide.

"What is it?" I asked as I tried to make out its content by weighing it in my hands. "You'll see" she said coyly (it was a kindle; I know because she was browsing those on the internet sitting right beside me at work), "Mrs. Bennet!" she exclaimed looking behind me. I turned and saw mum and Jane coming through, still smiling from the comingling with some other subset of the crowded hall. I do not know if it was me or the crowd but for the first time in a while the November evening felt a lot hotter than it should be.

"Darling I was just telling Mrs. Tilsbury about how Jane chose your dress for the evening. It is an absolutely marvelous choice! You look so beautiful Lizzie, gold is so your colour" said mum while Jane saw me with that happiness in her eyes that made you feel proud of yourself no matter how big of a loser you are. I was not going to talk back to mother today, I thought. Maybe I was too fuzzy to do anything like that.

I grabbed a flute of champagne from a tray that passed by us and without realizing emptied its content in a single gulp. My mum glanced at me sideways with suspicion as she was talking to some tall woman with jet black hair with a short mousy guy as an escort. She soon excused herself from the seemingly European couple and came towards me with that awful cold smile of hers.

"Lizzie, do you mind?" she said while lightly gesturing towards the champagne tray as it was on its way to the other side of the hall. Before I could say anything, Charlotte from behind me said in a loud shrill voice, "Hi John, Carol!"

My mum in a rapid swift movement turned around swinging the trail of her pale green Alexander McQueen gown as she turned around to see Jane greet John and his sister. I peeped to see if they had someone else behind them but soon I was called by Jane.

I came forward as John gave me a sturdy yet somewhat shaky handshake. "Happy Birthday Elizabeth!" he said with a generous smile. He handed me a bouquet of red and pink tulips and a big box of chocolates (I wondered if he consulted with Jane for my gift). Carol smiled at me from a distance and mouthed the greeting slyly. I nodded vigorously at both of them as I managed to say thank you while grinning. I still couldn't help but look behind the Bingleys to see if Darcy was there too.

"What are you looking at Elizabeth?" Carol asked mirthfully. I caught her eye and saw a mocking look on her face. I felt my face stiffen a bit as I replied "Nothing, just seeing who's here and all".

"John, would you come with me? There are a few people who would love to meet you" mum said as she came from behind me and gestured John and Jane (not Carol) to follow her. She let them go ahead a bit as she stopped a few paces away from me, turned around and walked rapidly towards me. "Go easy on the cocktails dear" she whispered aggressively into my ears. She immediately turned around and used her gorgeous long legs to catch up with the dreamy blonde couple after threatening me to not have fun in my own birthday party. I looked around and saw dad talking happily to some of his workers and Charlotte was talking to her college friends. I realized I was smack in the middle of the crowded hall of my father's mansion wearing a $450 designer dress, $250 strappy 5 inch heels and almost $100 make-up all alone.

But I was not ready to give up just yet; I decided to undertake my own search in the party for Darcy. I started from the entrance where a butler was taking people's coats. Middle aged couples, lonely old socialites and young socialites in groups attending my birthday party passed me by as their gaze was fixed towards the hall, trying to gauge in advance who was here and where were they placed. After spending a disappointing 15 minutes there, I decided to move into the crowd. As I was making my way deeper into the heart of the crowd, my path would cross with one of the waiter carrying the Hors-d'œuvre. I picked up one for myself everytime a waiter passed me in order to give myself a false sense of purpose in my pursuit of something almost meaningless.

I did this for another 20 minutes or something until I heard a familiar voice on the microphone. "May I have your attention please" said my mum in her phony gentle voice on the mic. "I know that the Bennets have a tradition of hosting a lot of formal events in the social circles of our sweet town Beardsley. But today is different. It is afterall my lovely Elizabeth's 23rd birthday! And keeping in mind this, I made sure that the crowd of this gathering will not be made up of stuffy old people like her parents" she chuckled mechanically as a dull roar of laughter filled the hall, "but would actually be symbolic of the youth and vivacity of my lovely Lizzie". Papa looked at me smiling sarcastically, and thankfully that made me laugh instead of scowling at mum.

"So I invite all the young and beautiful friends and companions of Elizabeth and her sister Jane" I heard a commotion of exclamation and surprise as soon as Jane was mentioned, "to come at the dance floor as I have invited DJ Chill to emcee the party!" she completed like she was announcing a finalized bid at an auction.

The crowd that a while ago seemed impenetrable was now making way for the dance floor as a young tall lanky man was setting up his equipments and speakers. I thought that this is a good opportunity to look for Darcy again. I first sought Bingley, but he was at the front of the crowd with Jane. I sought Carol but she was at the opposite end of the hall from me, talking to what seemed to me a very famous basketball player from our town. I was growing more and more desperate and restless.

The EDM blew loud and bursting through the speakers as the dance floor was again crowded, this time with people dancing instead of holding their drinks. I walked around the hall again like an idiot only to face failure.

I reached the bar and asked for a shot of vodka. _He is NOT coming, Liz._ I said to myself. I took out a cigarette from my purse and asked the bar tender for a light.

"Those things could kill you, you know" I heard a man say to me. My heart jumped up what felt like 60 ft as I turned around excitedly with the unlit cigarette still in my mouth. They had turned the lights all dimmed for the dance. For a good 3 seconds I desperately tried to create Darcy's face in the badly lit man standing facing me. But I soon realized it wasn't him.

"Aidan!" I said as I got off my stool to hug him. I do not know why I did that, but it was very instinctive and it felt so good to hug someone. "Your light miss" the bar tender said to me as he held a lighter in one hand and pushed a shot glass full of vodka towards me. I leaned over the bar as he lighted my cigarette while Aidan settled himself besides me.

"Why is it that you are always drinking whenever we meet?" he asked while giving out a soft chuckle. I took a drag as I let out a laugh clumsily. "At least it's my birthday today. I guess that makes it less shitty" I said as I held the shot glass. The bar tender quietly placed an ashtray at the bar as I emptied the shot in one go. I heard Aidan let out a soft hoot as I banged the glass on the bar and convulsed into extreme distortion.

"Easy birthday girl! What is wrong" he said as he smiled at me peacefully. "What do you mean?" I asked as I took another drag that filled the emptiness that was made inside me by that vodka. "A 23-year old girl smoking at the bar alone having a shot of vodka at her own birthday party, tell me that doesn't scream 'sad' to you" he said as he leaned towards me slightly.

"Well, you're wrong about two things here" I said as I held my cigarette over the clean ashtray. He tilted his head slightly. "First," I started as I lifted my other hand to call the bartender, "I am not having 'a' shot of vodka" the bartender came, "get me another shot" I said to him. Aidan turned his head towards me in slight amazement. "And second" I said as I lifted the half-smoked cigarette to my lips, "I am clearly not alone" I said calmly as I looked at him intently as I twisted my mouth a bit as to not blow out smoke at his gorgeous face.

His gentle mouth melted into a smooth smile as he fixed his warm brown eyes on my face. I looked at him for few seconds with what would have been a sheepish smile. "What are you even doing here in Beardsley" I asked as I composed myself a bit and took one last ling drag of the cigarette. "I just came here yesterday morning" he replied looking at the murals behind the bar. I looked at his beautiful face, his smooth nose in profile and felt myself being lost. I wondered what I would have been doing in this hall had Aidan not showed up.

"Your grandmother had amazing taste in art, Elizabeth. I can look at those beautiful murals all day long" he said as he gestured towards the wall. I felt my insides melting into a sweet goo at this sentence.

"Yes, she was very sweet" I said absent-mindedly as I stared at the wall with him. He slowly turned towards me as I continued watching. I was on a train of thoughts about my super sweet super tender granny.

I turned and look at him as well. "Did you come all the way from New York for my birthday?" I asked Aidan coyly as the second shot of vodka was beginning to hit me. He laughed in that sexy way and looked down.

"I hope you forgive me when I tell you that I made a very last minute RSVP to your party. I didn't know about it until last night when I was visiting my parents and they were discussing about coming here" he said apologetically. "Right" I replied in a low voice.

"I am really sorry" he said leaning a bit forward. "It's okay, don't worry. You came, that's what matters" I said brushing aside air with my hands. I couldn't help but think about that phrase in a sexual context.

"I guess I have Frank Darcy to thank for that" he said with a chuckle. I felt like someone just punched me across my face. "What?" I asked him in a weak voice.

"Well, Darcy had a couple of meetings in the town here but for some reason he called me up and made me in-charge of those. He basically gave me the power of attorney because he wouldn't be able to be here until the first week of December" he ended cheerily.

I fell dead silent as I stared at the ground. "So yeah, if it wasn't for Frank Darcy assigning me his power of Attorney almost last-minute" Aidan continued, "I wouldn't have had the chance to be there for your birthday party" he looked at me smiling.

"Elizabeth, are you okay?" he asked with his face slightly lowered. I felt a noose tightening around my neck. I looked up at him and strained myself for a smile. "Yes, I'm fine" I said as I put out my already cold cigarette in the ashtray, "yeah that's good that you're here" I said as I peered into his eyes.

Aidan went back to his smile as he rested one hand on the bar and the other on his thigh. "Would you like to dance a bit?" he asked as he gestured towards the dance floor. The music was a bit soft now and there were a lot of couples slow dancing. I looked across the hall to spot Jane and John engrossed into each other as they grooved together slowly to some old Taylor Swift song.

Aidan turned his hand towards me as I sat there looking at him. Suddenly, my phone buzzed violently at the bar. I peered to see if it was, for some wild reason a text from Darcy.

It wasn't. It was another of those spam service messages.

I gave my hand to Aidan, along with a part of my heart that just wanted to dance. I guess you don't turn 23 everyday, or month, or year; no point in burning yourself for someone who probably would never feel the warmth.


	7. A Run-in at the Coffee Shop

If it is depression that makes an artist's work valuable, then why am I spending my 5th hour in front of a blank document on my computer? The library was getting really crowded and I did not wanted to listen for the 26th time how Charlotte is really excited about going to Carol Bingley's birthday party on the 3rd ; which I why I decided to go to the quaint coffee shop which was near my old high-school. I am barely out of the hangover of my own, and it hasn't even been a week since I got blacked-out drunk on a flurry of cocktails, which is why this place was nothing short of heaven for me.

My school used to be on the side of one of the foothills of the mountains that surround Beardsley, a bit removed from the busy and noisy valley. It seems like a perfect place. One could see the view of the entire valley from a window of the school library, which used to be my favorite place. The coffee shop was right above the school, providing a better but scarier view of Beardsley. It was owned by an old man whose wife has been teaching mathematics at the school. I still remember how I used to go there after a particularly rough day at school. Joe Ellington, the owner, used to make his special hot chocolate for me. He has a gift of understanding people.

His wife was an equally kind woman; she was disappointed a bit when I told her that I wanted to be a writer, but she was nevertheless happy for me. She used to say that I have an adequate aptitude for math as well. There was a phase where I wanted to be a mathematician. But mother bullied me into changing my mind. "Anything but a slob with her nose in thick books and dark circles under her eyes", she said in her grating shrill voice one fall when I was 14. _Well guess what mum, I ended up having dark circles anyways._

"I suppose I shouldn't be asking what you're working on judging from what I see" said Joe while placing my 7th cup of coffee. I let out an exasperated sigh and smiled at him. He sat down beside me as I closed down my laptop. My eyes felt extremely strained.

"I don't think I should have so much coffee", I said as I felt like sandpaper was being rubbed against my head. "Hot Chocolate?" asked Joe.

I smiled again. This time it relieved some tension off my head.

"No, Joe. I am fine" I replied as I looked out the window. Twilight was creeping as the sun was going down Mt. Andrews, the highest of the 7 mountains that surrounded the city.

The bell at the door rang vigorously as Mrs. Ellington entered brushing off the dust from her hair.

"Look what the cat dragged in Jesse" said Joe as he went to his wife taking her bag. Jesse looked at me and looked pleasantly surprised.

"Lizzie!" she said as I stood up and hugged her. Joe looked at the both of us smiling as he hanged Jesse's coat.

"You've lost weight, is everything okay?" Jesse asked as she looked at me concerned. It was so great to see the Ellingtons again after such a long time. They haven't even aged a day. I felt like I walked into a time machine.

"I'm fine Jesse. It's work" I said avoiding eye contact.

The three of us sat at the table. "I heard you were working at the main library." Jesse said as she rested her elbows on the table. "Yeah" I replied as I shrugged a bit. "How is Jane?" she asked further as she looked intently at me. "Great. She just left 2 days back for New York" I replied back as I wondered how cold that cup of coffee might have gotten. I wanted to smoke for some reason but I didn't want to do it there.

"I ran into your mother the other day" said Joe as he picked up a newspaper from a table besides ours. "We talked about you and Jane. She told me that Jane is dating John Bingley, that Hollywood guy".

"Is she going around and telling everyone?" I said. Jesse laughed a bit and said, "She is happy for Jane I suppose".

"I don't think Jane is dating anyone. She is doing so well in her career. She is seeing the world." I said.

"Doesn't it make sense that she close it all with a nice guy with her side?" said Jesse gently. "What if she doesn't need something like that to feel fulfilled" I replied, thinking to myself how wonderful it would have actually been for me to be like that. Jesse cocked her head slightly and looked at me sympathetically. I had a feeling that she maybe pitied me.

"Have you talked to Jane about it yet?" she asked, knowing the answer already. "No" I said hesitatingly. "She is busy usually" I mumbled a bit. Jesse withdrew a little as she took a few moments to compose herself.

"So what are you working on nowadays?" Jesse asked.

"Apart from the library, I am working on my book about the Jazz age" I replied with a new-found strength. "Wow Jazz!" exclaimed Joe, "My favorite type of music for sure" he said as he looked at his wife lovingly. "Didn't we met at a Jazz bar Jesse?" he asked as he held her hand. She looked over at him for a few moments and then turned to me, "Yes, and I haven't been to one ever since". All the three of us smoothly fell into a hearty laugh. I forgot how homely this coffee shop has been.

"And what about your personal life, have you been seeing anyone?" Jesse asked as she was still glowing from her husband's cute flirting.

I was completely caught off guard as I started stammering a bit. "No, not really. I haven't really got the time to…. I was very preoccupied with…" I said as Joe and Jesse tried to make any sense of the jabbering.

"Don't worry Lizzie, we'll fix you up with someone" Jesse said while smiling gently, "of course if you want to".

I smiled and I looked down. "No. You don't have to. I honestly don't know what I want" I said feeling a sort of pain.

"Mr. Ellington," a young lad called from the next room, "there is a gentleman here to see you".

"Right" said Joe as he started to get up "I'll be right back with you Lizzie. Talk to your favorite math teacher meanwhile".

"Lizzie," Jesse now held my hand, "don't take this the wrong way sweetie but you look kind of miserable. Is everything okay?"

I looked at her face and thought about it. "Is it about your mother?" she asked as she looked intently into my eyes.

"Mother?" I was puzzled, "What are you talking about?"

Jesse realized she made a huge mistake. She winced painfully as she slapped her forehead. "Stupid, stupid me!" she said as she drooped in her chair.

We looked at each other for a couple of minutes until I said, "You are going to have to tell me sooner or later Jesse, better it be now".

"Honestly Lizzie I genuinely thought you would have known, I am so sorry" she started in a low but firm voice of a teacher.

"Your mother is having an affair"

I stared at her for 5 whole minutes as I felt myself freezing.

"What?" I finally found the courage to say.

"The rumors were around for months and none of us ever believed it really. But it just kept getting stronger and stronger." She said as she held my hand again, "I never even wanted to believe it until I saw them together in Colorado"

"Them?" I asked. "Your mother and some British guy" she said "he had red hair and was a lot shorter than your mother. I am pretty sure he was Irish".

"I don't care if he is an Irish or not!" I busted out. Jesse was a bit startled by it.

"I am sorry" I said calming myself down "what were you even doing in Colorado?" I asked.

"I was at an academic conference there" she replied sitting up a bit. "I submitted a paper in a seminar"

"And when was it?" I asked. "June" she replied timidly.

"June! And for how long have the rumors been around?" I asked kind of pissed right now.

Jesse thought something for a moment and said, "I don't really know but I heard about it for the first time last year in August, and it was a different guy back then".

My jaw dropped after hearing this. "I need some air" I said as I stood up and went near the window. I opened it and a gust of cold icy air slapped me hard across the face. Jesse swiftly came behind me and patted gently on my back.

"I know it is not my position to say this but maybe you should talk to her about it" she said slowly, "or talk to your father".

I felt like my chest would implode in itself. I was breathing in heavily.

I was in the process of collecting my thoughts when I heard the jolly laugh of Joe as he entered the room.

"Jesse! It must be a day of reunions today" he said as he came towards us, "Look it's Frank, Catherine's son!"

I turned around and saw Frank standing behind Joe, looking over his head at me. He smiled while Jesse went to him and hugged him.

"Oh Frank! It has been so long" Jesse said to him the same way she did to me. "I was devastated when I heard about your mother" she said as she tapped his cheek.

He smiled at her and nodded gently while I stood there feeling utterly trapped.

"Lizzie this is Frank Darcy, son of Catherine Darcy" Joe said as I slowly walked towards the trio, "if you don't know who she is ask your mother" he said.

I and Jesse shared a look for a moment after which she giggled nervously. Frank noticed this exchange after which he put his right hand forward saying "Hi, I'm Frank".

I weakly gave him my left hand as he tightly held it, giving a nice firm handshake.

"I should be going really" I said suddenly feeling a shortness of breath.

"Where are you headed?" Joe asked as he handed me my coat. "My apartment is one block away from the courthouse" I said as Frank and Jesse listened to me.

"Lizzie! You don't even have a car and it has gotten so dark" Jesse said as I buttoned up my coat.

"I'll be fine" I said as I avoided Darcy's gaze.

"Nonsense!" said Joe, "Frank will drop you home, where are you headed Frank?"

"My condo is right at the end of Courthouse street. Yours is on my way, I can drop you" he said having that usual grin of his.

"Perfect!" said Jesse while clapping her hands gleefully.

"No, I'm fine I'll call an uber" I protested.

Jesse came by my side and held me by my arm. She came close to me and gently whispered, "Lizzie, I really don't want you to be alone right now, just please let him drop you. Don't worry both me and Joe know him very well. He is a very nice man, you can trust him".

I stood back a bit and looked at her as he joined Joe. A few hours ago when I entered the coffee shop that hasn't changed much (except for the little addition of tables) and met the people who have not changed much(except for a few more grey hairs). But now as I stood as both of looked from me to Frank, I suddenly felt like I have entered new territory. I wondered what does Jesse know about my mother and more importantly, what does she know about Frank?

"Shall we?" Darcy stood at the door gesturing towards his black Porsche. I looked at the Ellingtons and said, "It was really lovely to meet the both of you, I will try to come to this part of the city more often".

Jesse nodded approvingly and Joe gave a reassuring smile.

Darcy opened the door of his car as I seated myself into it. He gently slammed it and in a swift movement sat behind the wheel.

I waved at the happy old couple as the Porsche sped away towards the main road.


	8. Coping With It

The car sped down the highway as we entered Beardsley. The silence between me and Darcy was palpable and made the interiors of his car feel way more claustrophobic than it actually was. He would glance at me every now then and also tried to say something once but then didn't. He was trying to figure out the right time to say it but it seems that he was failing.

Finally, he said "Are you seriously going to ignore me like this Liz?" "Says the man who ghosted me on my own birthday party" I replied sulking, avoiding his gaze. We approached a traffic crossing and stopped at the red light. A group of young teenagers in the car besides ours were eyeing our car hungrily. Darcy hesitated for a while as he absent-mindedly saw the cars cross by. To be honest by this time this was something I was expecting.

"My father suffered a stroke on the eve of your birthday" he said in a tone that I have never heard from his mouth before. I turned to look at him and his face bore a heavy expression, almost bursting with a mix of pain. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"What?" I asked. "I had to rush him to London. I just came back yesterday. He is with my brother" he said as he looked down. The signal turned green and on cue the line of cars behind us started honking violently. Darcy drove on looking forward, doing a very good job of composing himself considering how distressed he looked some seconds ago.

I felt it coming up my neck and I did everything in my power to stop it but before I could know it I burst into a violent scream of cry with tears pooling into my eyes blurring the city lights. Darcy looked startled.

"Liz, oh my god are you okay?" he said in a slightly gentle voice this time, but it still had a lot of pain. "I know I should have called or text but I was caught up in taking him to London and arranging for him. Still, I am extremely sorry" he continued.

"I am a piece of shit person!" I screamed hotly through a torrent of hotter tears and a bit of snot attempting to leave my nose. "Liz!" Darcy exclaimed, sounding a bit hurt. "I am!" I replied back looking at him, "all I could care for was a stupid party. I feel awful now".

"Liz, it is okay. You did not know. I should have told you about it but I really couldn't find the time." He said as he was slowly gaining the strength in his voice. "It seems like he is going to be there for a while. I had to arrange for his accommodations and nurses there" he replied in a very business-like manner.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked weakly.

He looked at me and gave a sad smile. He said nothing.

I do not know what came over me but I started sobbing again. "How can I expect to be this selfish and not have it bite me back in the ass" I said.

"What are you talking about Liz?" Darcy asked a bit concerned.

I looked at him for a few moments and wondered if I should tell him. _Tell him Liz, you need to tell someone. Talk to someone. It is a risk worth taking._

No. _why? What would go wrong? The worst case scenario here is that he is going to judge you and your family. Good. Breaking up down the line would be a lot less painful._

Darcy looked at me again hoping that I would say something.

"I have some doubts but I heard a rumor that my mother was having an affair" I said while looking at the street.

Darcy took a sharp right turn and stopped in front of Spanish restaurant. He took a deep breath while holding the steering wheel.

"Who told you?" he said, this time in a voice that was both low and booming at the same time.

I felt like someone just beat my head with a heavy club.

A valet in a crisp jacket came up to us. He recognized Darcy and instantly had an expression of surprise on his mousy face.

"Should I inform the manager that you're here sir? I'm sorry but he would need a few minutes to arrange for a table for you" he said while smiling.

Darcy gave me a look as I sat there frozen and unable to comprehend anything.

"Sure Lester, that would be lovely. A table for two" he said as he get out of the car "and keep it a bit private" he continued as he shoved a $5 note into his front pocket.

"Doe everyone in this wretched city knows that my mother is an adulterer?" I whispered sharply into my oversized glass of wine. Darcy leaned a bit forward too and was listening to me very intently. "How and when did you find out about it" I asked as I began to take large sips of the very dry and very good wine.

He looked a bit hesitant for a while but then he broke into a smile.

"You don't want to know Liz" he said as he looked at me with that gentle seductive expression of his. "I do" I said sitting up a bit "how bad can it even be at this point" I said sarcastically while chuckling a bit and lifting up the glass to my lips.

Darcy closed his eyes as if he looked for the right way of saying it. "I saw them last year in my brother's brother-in-law's restaurant in London".

The wine held on to my throat for a few seconds as I tried to swallow it. "Last…last year?" I said meekly while trying to avoid choking myself.

He closed it eyes again and this time the expression of pain flitted across his face again. "Yes, last year, on 23rd November. Your birthday" he said while looking into my eyes intently.

I stared into his for two whole minutes. My birthday last year. She said she was going to attend this very important charity event last year on my birthday in Paris that just could not, ABSOLUTELY could not be postponed at any cost whatsoever.

"Are you sure?" I said fighting with an incoming attack of tears. He took my left hand into his and pressed it tightly into his large fist, "Liz I wish I wasn't. But I am". I was finding it very hard to breathe despite a window open behind me. "I also happen to know the guy she was with" he said, "Do you want to know?"

"Are you ready to order now sir?" a middle-aged waiter with sleek black hair came out of nowhere.

"No not yet" Darcy said. "Yes we are" I said sharply.

Both the waiter and Darcy looked at me for a few seconds. I looked back at Darcy as he tried to figure out if I was serious or not. The waiter trying to sense some gossip-worthy material looked at Darcy sideways and anticipated his next move.

"Very Well" Darcy said while still looking at me. The waiter promptly took out his notepad and pen as he looked sideways at me this time while I lit a cigarette.

We ate the four courses of dinner without talking about mother.

It must have been around 11:30 when the car stopped in front of my apartment building.

"If you need anything Liz, you know that my townhouse condo is not too far away from here" he said while putting his arm on my seat and leaning in a bit.

"I know" I said trying to be as casual as I can while looking into my lap.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked as he peeped into my lowered face.

I suddenly broke into a bitter smile. "What?" Darcy asked a bit perplexed.

"Nothing" I replied, "I was just wondering that.." I trailed off.

"What?" Darcy repeated, this time turning a bit serious.

"That" I continued, "I have some very shitty birthday luck" I completed.

We looked at each other for a few seconds. I started chuckling. He burst into a laugh as if someone exploded a balloon.

We both started laughing uproariously.

"You do know how to laugh even when you're knocked down" he said as he took a deep breath between his laugh "I guess you are tougher than you look".

"Let's hope so" I said. _Invite him up! This is going perfect!_

"It is getting very late" I said suddenly while still smiling. "Thanks a lot for the dinner, Frank".

Hearing his name made him look up in surprise. He wanted to say something again. I waited for a couple of minutes for him to say it.

But he didn't. He smiled defeated and looked down a bit disappointed.

_I understand._

"I will see you around then" I said a bit sadly as I got out of the car.

"Liz!" I heard Darcy shout from the car as I was standing on the curb.

I gleefully turned around and bent over into the car window. I peered in with a wide grin.

"You know how I remember the exact date on which I saw your mother with that dark-haired Italian guy?" he asked as he looked at me intently.

My smile vanished away sharply.

"Why?" I asked.

"It was my mother's first birthday after her death" he said with that super painful yet extremely beautiful smile of his.

We both looked at each other like we were going through age's worth of time. For the first time in my life I saw something in his eyes I never did before. I felt like I was exposed to a vista of natural beauty that no other mortal has ever witnessed.

"Have a good night Liz" he said as he switched back to his debonair self and sped past me towards his condo.

I felt this tinge in my chest and I thought that I was going to break down again into hopeless tears. But to my pleasant surprise, I was filled with this warmth that manifested itself into the widest I have smiled in a long time.

It was when I entered my building when I realized something that hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Wait, Dark-haired Italian guy? Jesse said he was a ginger Irish!"


	9. A Sun-less Sunday

Darcy sat at the edge of his bed getting dressed as I devoured my breakfast in bed. I heard the clatter of his housekeeper from the kitchen. He seemed like he was lost in his thoughts as he tied his belt with a deep frown. I debated with myself about whether or not I should ask what is bothering him.

"Do you like your eggs, Liz?" he asked as he put on his socks with a feeble grunt. I was caught off guard.

"Y-yes! Of course. They're great" I replied hastily almost swallowing a gulp of carrot juice too large for my mouth. His housekeeper Mr. Blakemore ( British of course, appointed by his father) had laid my clothes on the settee at the foot of the bed. I got a bit embarrassed thinking about it as I remembered how I scattered them all around the bedroom last night in a fit of crazy lust and haste. I wondered what went through the mind of this old brit. I was hoping that I would get an opportunity to dress before Mr. Blakemore came back to take away the tray but as if on cue; as soon as I pushed the little table away from me he entered noiselessly and without looking at me mechanically took the table away. He turned around from the door and asked, "Will there be anything else, Mr. Darcy?"

It might sound very stupid but seeing someone like him address frank like this made me feel a bit weird.

"No Ansel. I'm fine thank you", he said looking up from the newspaper as he sat in a large armchair; one which was not large enough for him but made me feel like I am sitting in the premise of an ancient absurdly large temple.

Blakemore gave a smile and swiftly went away. I got up from the bed and went towards the settee. I was glancing around the room when I caught Darcy's eyes looking at me. He flustered a little and went back to staring some random photo in the paper. I saw him blush. It gave me weird sense of power.

I got dressed and as I was wearing my shoes I asked, "Can you drop me by the library? my car is still parked there" I waited for him to reply for almost 30 seconds when I looked up and saw him staring out of the window.

I cleared my throat a bit but it had no impact on him. I walked up to him. The back of the armchair came up to my shoulders and for a small moment before I nudged him I saw his face in the pale grey snow-swept morning. His expression of seriousness was something that I have never seen before. He looked like he was in genuine pain.

"Frank?" I said gently as I placed my hand on his shoulder. He wasn't startled, in fact he quite smoothly turned away from the window and looked up to me. He looked at my face for a few seconds and when he realized how confused I was, he broke his frown and smiled. He looked up and down my body a bit and by my waist pulled me into his lap. The big armchair felt a lot smaller now.

He slowly moved his hand up and down my back. But I was too distracted by now.

"Is everything okay?" I asked in a low voice, avoiding his gaze.

"What do you mean?" he said bringing his face closer to mine.

"You seem worried about something" I said trying to pull myself away.

Me making eye contact with him made him change his expressions. A ghost of that pained look came back to his eyes as he slightly gestured pushing me away. I complied and stood away from him.

I waited for a couple of minutes for him to say something but he kept looking at the floor.

"Let me drop you off at the library" he finally said as he got up and walked out the door.

I stood in the large bedroom for a few moments. I did not know what to do. Should I push him? Is it something serious? I hope it's not his father…

The 15 minute drive to the library was silent but not uncomfortable. He stopped the car before the main gate. I looked at him but it was difficult to gauge his expressions as he was wearing sunglasses. It was stupid because there was no sun.

"Have a good day at work" he said trying desperately to sound cheerful.

"It's Sunday. Its my day off" I said while looking intently at his face, "I'm thinking of heading to meet dad from here instead of my apartment".

"Why?" he said a bit alarmed.

"What do you mean why?" I asked equally puzzled. "it's been a while since I've met dad".

"You should rest a bit first don't you think?" he said as he seemed a bit flustered.

"What?" I asked. He fell silent.

"Is your dad okay frank? Because you have been acting very weird this morning" I asked finally, making sure I was loud enough.

"Yes of course he is" he replied.

He was right in a way though since I was pretty tired. I didn't want to play these endless games with him anymore I wasn't in the mood for it. "Whatever it is, either you tell me or I hope you find a way to handle it" I said to him as I got out of the car.

"See you soon Liz" he said as I closed the car door.

Henrietta opened the door and took my coat while I asked her where dad was. She said he was in the living room with a visitor. She led me through the hallway and gesturing towards the living room asked if I need anything. I asked her to bring a glass of water.

I entered the room to find dad engaged in a serious discussion with someone sitting with his back to me. He was surrounded with stacks of files and papers and had his frameless glasses on as he was holding a bunch of more papers. I cleared my throat as neither of them noticed me coming and dad looked up to me. An expression of pleasant cheer came on his face as he emitted a jolly laugh while standing up, a pile of papers that was on his lap sliding down in the process.

I gave him a big bear hug. It was a relief to see someone greet you like this. Almost cut down the chilliness of the December air.

I turned around to look at the other guy and immediately was greeted with a familiar face. A grinning Aidan was standing in front of me holding a laptop.

"Aidan?" I asked as I looked sideways to dad. He flayed his hands in a "Yes-it-is-Aidan!" manner.

I stood there awkwardly looking at him until he gave a sheepish smile and gestured for a hug. I snapped out of my surprise and hugged him too. He smelled very mildly of cologne and coffee.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Your father needed some advice from me about his firm. Something regarding partnership" he said.

"Very well then Aidan" said dad to Aidan, "I'll ask my assistant for the papers you asked me for and we'll talk about it later" he seemed a bit uncomfortable as he said this and he was avoiding my gaze.

"Okay" said Aidan, drawing out the O, "I'll see what those have to say about your…. situation" he said back.

"Say hello to your parents from me" said dad as he started to move towards the door.

I turned towards Aidan. He was looking at the ground intently. Realising that I was looking, he immediately looked up and forged a smile.

I realized something was up but I didn't wanted my curiosity to be too apparent.

I saw Aidan picking up his briefcase while he was deeply engrossed in some thoughts.

"Shall I drop you to your car?" I asked. He looked up in surprise, "Oh don't bother at all Lizzie" he said.

"No it's nothing" I said as I walked towards the door.

He caught up to me and we walked side by side towards the entrance. I fished out a cigarette from my coat that was hanging by the door and quickly lighted it as he waited for me half-opening the door.

We stepped out in the cold air which had gotten bitterer than it was when I came in. I glanced sideways at him as we walked in silence. When we crossed the driveway halfway through I asked him casually, "what brought you here in this biting cold?" as I imitated shivering.

"I told you, your dad needed some advice" he said getting all defensive.

I stopped dead and looked at him walking a few steps before realizing that I had stopped. He turned around and looked at my face and gave a sigh of exasperation.

"How about you tell me the truth Aidan" I said standing right where I was. He looked around a bit with a snigger as if I was being irrational but when he saw that I was not budging he looked at the ground and walked towards me.

"Your dad wants to divorce your mom, Lizzie" he said as he drew closer to me.

I stared silently at his face. I was facing the wind and I felt it falling on my face like knives. He sighed again, this time sympathetically.

I slowly started walking towards his car and he followed my lead. "Were you here to "advise" him about alimony and stuff" I asked in a slow voice.

A new wave of discomfort gripped him this time as he said, "No actually, I was here to advise him against getting a divorce". I slowly lifted my head to look at him. I thought he was trying to be funny.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my confusion rising with every step.

We reached his car by now but we stood near him. He stood by the door and leaned on it.

"It's rather complicated Lizzie" he said kindly. "I don't care. They're also _my_ parents Aidan!" I said as loudly the bitter wind would allow me to. The grey clouds gathering made the morning darker.

"Mr. Darcy's father acquired your father's law firm last year and this divorce would hurt him in more than one ways" he blurted it out as quickly as he can.

It took me a whole minute to understand the logic of this sentence. It took me another to process my reaction.

"That doesn't make any fucking sense" I remember myself saying in a haze.

"It actually does" started Aidan, pretty much in the way he used to explain something back when we were in school, "not only is Mrs. Bennet a major stakeholder in the firm, she is responsible for the clients that it served as well. Especially regarding its business in Europe. She is practically an asset. Mr. Darcy cannot afford the break-up of the firm, now that he is finally gathering roots in places like London as well as Los Angeles" he completed in a matter-of-the-fact manner.

I looked at him dumbfounded. "You can't be serious Aidan?" I said as I forced out a cynical laugh.

He shed his nerdy serious expression and softened a bit. "Also, the divorce would look really bad for Bingley too. Mr. Darcy really hopes that the positive press of Bingley marrying someone like your sister Jane would really help him cement his place in Hollywood as an A-list producer. Now that we have most of them fired or in jail for sexual harassment and child-sex trafficking cases, there virtually a vacuum in Hollywood right now. It would really help for his image. Try to see it from Mr. Darcy's perspective, it's a good opportunity"

I listened to all this then I stubbed my cigarette in the snow. It had started snowing now.

"Do you know why he wants to divorce mum?" I looked up at him with inquisitive eyes, "please be honest Aidan".

A pained look came across his eyes as he sincerely struggled for words. He looked at the sky as if to predict how much snow will fall. "I don't know Lizzie. All I know that he is a good man, and I wish things were not like this"

He suddenly looked down as if he caught himself saying something bad. He hastily looked at me and said "Mr. Darcy always treated your father well. He is still the complete owner of the firm. And he has also been very happy with the business it has done. Your mother left no stone unturned to make it what it is now".

I felt like I swallowed a brick. "but don't you think he (I was too self-conscious of saying his name in front of Aidan in any way) should cut dad some slack?"

Aidan smiled at me like you smile at the innocent question of a child. "Let me be a bit honest here and promise you will tell no one about it because he is my boss" he said in an incriminating way, "you don't negotiate with Frank Darcy, at all. He will fight tooth and nail to get what he wants. I am sorry lizzie but I wish there was something I could do about it. I hope you understand, I'm just doing my job". I nodded awkwardly while nursing a pain and devastation in the core of my very being.

He took my hand in his and came closer to me. He put his other hand on my cheek.

I don't know whether it was the warmth of his hand on my cheek or not but I suddenly felt my eyes melting into a slow stream of tear. I sniffed heavily in the cold air as the snowfall was speeding up.

"Did anybody tell you, you have the most beautiful freckles ever?" he said in a low but clear voice. I looked into his hazel eyes.

He slowly leaned his head forwards and planted a gentle soft kiss on my cold lips. His mouth was mysteriously very warm and for a split second I got a bit conscious about cigarette-breath.

He dreamily opened his eyes and said, "if you ever need to talk to anyone, or you ever feel lonely and cold, you should know that you have a friend in me, okay?" he said still holding my face in his hand and looking into my eyes with both eyebrows raised.

I nodded enthusiastically. He gave a wide authentic smile and opened the car door. I stepped back a bit and saw him start the car. I saw him smiling at me from behind the foggy glass and I smiled back with hot tears streaming down my cheeks.

I stood there as the driveway and the lawn was covered in a thick layer of snow. It seemed like I stood there for ages. After either 10 minutes or an entire lifetime, I heard Henrietta calling me, "Miss Elizabeth! I have made some soup for you!"


	10. The Beginning of The End

In another world, my mother hosting the birthday party for the youngest of the Dacry in their own oversized home would have surprise me a bit. In another world, I would have spent the 12th of December just like any other day, that means spending most of my day at the library working and the night at my town apartment. But if you think about it, in another world, my parents would have had a functional marriage , I would have been with someone with a human heart instead of cold tin can.

I was just wrapping up my notes on the new section of my book about the Jazz age ( I was to drop the entire project itself for reasons that would be clear soon) when I decided to open my mail. I had a new mail from the HR Department of a company named DreamCast Pictures, LA. It was a reply to one of the many emails I sent to a bunch of publishing houses, studios and production companies in my sophomore year in college, cold-calling all of them with my resume hoping one of them would be in need for an English literature graduate. Obviously, I didn't got any reply and by time I graduated I had completely forgotten about. Why? Many reasons. One: the night I sent those emails I was absolutely hammered. Me and my roommate Emily had an ambition to move to a place like LA or New York entirely on a drunken whim and sent what now seems extremely obnoxious emails attached with a slapdash resume thinking that a couple of drunk 20 year olds are just the thing they need for their next million dollars. By the time we recovered from the hangover, not only had we forgotten about a makeout session that we may or may not have had the previous night, but all dreams of a summer internship in a big city was squashed by the ringing headache and abject dehydration. Needless to say, we swore off alcohol for the next two weeks (which for me at the time was a very big deal).

For the first few moments I was quite puzzled and thought that it might be spam. "... We have considered and evaluated you resume and we would like to have an interview session with you for the position of writing consultant for an upcoming project of one of our animation studios on a temporary basis. Pix animation studios, a subsidiary of DreamCast Pictures have been producing excellent animated movies for almost...". It made sense to me when I saw my almost three years old email above this message. I also spotted the word "wage" instead of "contract" and "salary" and that was enough to shut me out from the proposal. It was in all senses too late and too little.

I stepped outside in the cold. I decided to leave early hoping that the home would not be too crowded and I would get some time with jane alone. I needed to know if she knows about this whole drama about mum and dad. But I was still too late as the house was absolutely bustling with people. Caterers were parked in the driveway taking their large utensils inside. The florist's young daughter, who has presumably taken over her father's business was entering with her assistant ready to take notes. There was housekeeping unnecessarily cleaning every corner of the hallway.

"Good morning miss!" Said good natured Henrietta, slightly disheveled from the pressure. I smiled back and went upstairs as I heard Jane talking on the phone with someone. I reached the first floor hallway to see Jane standing in front of what used to be my room, with her back to me holding her phone. I had a stupid idea so I started to creep noiselessly towards her with the intention to spook her a little bit. I took off my glove and slowly moved my hands toward her back with a pointed finger.

I must have prodded her very lightly and I thought she might not even feel it for she was wearing a very thick sweater, but not only did she feel it, she practically jumped up letting out an extremely shrill and loud scream that made my heart skip a beat. By the time she turned around and registered that it was me, I was standing frozen. I was smiling but I also had a hand on my chest.

"Jesus jane! It's just me!" I said through a laugh that I admittedly had in many days. She gave a deep sigh, rolled her eyes and then looked at me a bit, joining in the laughter after a few seconds.

"No I'm okay it was just my sister " she said to the person on the phone while shooting a playful glance at me. "Yeah file that under the yellow folder and I want a summary of the meeting by 8 PM EST. That's all" she tops all her commands by this "that's all".

"When did you reached here" I asked as I perceived fatigue on her face. "Literally 2 hours before " she said as she typed an email. "You seem tired" I said as I looked around the hallway. "That's because I am" she said putting her phone down. She went back into my old room and fell on the bed spreading her arms out in a defeated manner. I pulled out the chair of my old study table and sat in it. We stayed like this in silence for almost 15 minutes. I looked around the room and felt pangs of nostalgia. The shelf besides the closet door still had my old books collection: Madam Bovary, The Brothers Karamazov, A Clockwork Orange, Don Quixote, Harry Potter (all seven, a cherished gift from dad), Middlemarch, Vanity Fair; these were the ones I was able to discern from my position. Like a cliche I visualized myself sitting on the bed, engrossed in one of these, getting transposed into the pristine forest of words and exploring it like an adventurer. Finding beautiful things. Usually good, but sometimes bad and scary. I remembered being scared but never afraid. In those moments I felt like I could take on any problem I had. In those moments I wasn't alone.

I stood up and walked to the shelf while jane stared at the ceilings with a blank expression. From closer distance I also spotted Notre-Dame de Paris. I held it in my hands as a little dust came off of it. Jane sat up now and was looking at me, because I was smiling almost unconsciously.

" je ne t'ai pas vu heureux comme ça depuis longtemps" she said with a smile in her voice.

" je ne suis pas dans mon ancienne chambre depuis très longtemps" I replied weighing the old copy of the Victor Hugo novel.

Quite late in our lives, me and Jane learnt some very basic almost amateurish French as a way to talk to each other during family dinners and parties. It was a nice way to bitch about guests. Of course we, almost got caught when a middle aged man who was from Arkansas turned out to be someone proficient in French for he had lived in Cannes and Monaco for many years. Fortunately, he was sport and wasn't really offended by this method of communication of a couple of teenage girls.

This was it. This was the moment I would tell her. I don't care if she already knows or not. I'm not going to wait until the whole state of New Hampshire will be aware of my mother's infidelity.

"Can I talk to you about something, Jane" I said as I went back to my chair. She sat up attentively as if all her exhaustion evaporated away.

"I was at Joe's cafe a few days back, you remember him?" I asked as I leaned forward a bit. She nodded looking a bit suspicious. "Well Jesse was telling me about this..."

* * *

We spent the entire morning and afternoon in my room. It was in a perverse way reminiscent of old times but nothing about it was remote pleasantly. We couldn't decide what to do. We alternated between cycles of discussions about confronting mum and silences in which we pondering whether we need it right now.

Sometime before lunch mum poked her head into the room. "Jane, I have got the stylish and makeup team here for you. Grab a quick bite and start getting dress it's going to take a long while", she said in a sweet singsong manner and left without waiting for a response. We shared a pained look and went downstairs for we hadn't even had any breakfast and we didn't realized how hungry we were.

The team of stylists intercepted Jane as we headed out if the dining room and started discussing frantically about their plans and how they were running out of time. She turned at me and said, "we'll talk after this party lizzie. I hope you stay in here tonight. " I nodded and waited for the ruckus to go in Jane's room. I went back into my room and collapsed on the bed. I stared at my bookshelf. I realized I had to do something. I opened the wardrobe and found two large suitcases with a thick film of dust on them. I haphazardly dusted them and shoved 97 of the 115 books in the suitcase. There was still plenty of space so I put in some of my old summer dresses and tops in them too. Since the entire household was scuttling around busily I was able to shove the oversize dusty suitcase in my car trunk. I went back in the room, a bit relieved this time. I lied down on the bed again and ended up fallible asleep as I was staring at the empty bookshelf. I had a vague dream about the Bennet Estate crumbling to pieces, the grounds and lawns around it were like fallow barren land and upon the hubris of this monstrously huge mansion grew a little dandelion, lightly swaying in air under a dark sky.

I was roused rather startlingly by Jane wearing her custom made Dior ballgown. It was a bright red gown with cinched waist and drape-y skirt.

"Oh my god Lizzie, you'll be so late!" She said softly as I got up on the bed. "It's only 5" I said rubbing my eyes. "You need to get dressed though, you never know how long makeup might take" she replied as she spied in my room's mirror whether the team left any flaws on her or not.

I took a quick shower and wore the pink fit and flare dress I had brought with me. It was an excruciatingly cold day and I wore my shoes back until I did my makeover. I was putting on foundation when Jane entered the room with a smile holding a shoe box.

"I got something for you. Although I hoped that the circumstances would have been slightly more pleasant." She said as she opened the box for me. They were golden 5 inch heels, red sole, Christian Louboutin.

"You really didn't had to, I brought my own ones. They're in the car. I'll wear them after I'm do my makeup. See if you can get henrietta, She'll fetch them for me from my car." I said as I eyed the pair lustily.

"Just keep them" she said as she leaned besides me and looked at me through the mirror. "You don't have to wear them tonight. And I don't want any unnecessary formalities " she added as I was beginning to protest. She kept the box on my bed and sat heavily besides it.

"Jane, dear you forgot your earrings!" mum exclaimed while peeping in the room. Jane accepted the jewelry with a sigh saying, "thanks mum" in a rather plain and tired manner. Mum looked a bit taken aback.

"What's wrong Jane?" she asked as she walked further into the room. I started to look for my eye shadow to avoid any cross-questioning.

"Nothing mum I am just very tired" she said while avoiding her gaze and putting on her earrings. "Is it about John?" mum asked quietly, sitting besides her. "In case you did not notice mother, I have a life outside some stupid guy, okay?" I heard Jane snap back at her. I had a feeling like it was going in a direction where I could not avoid it anymore. I turned around in my chair to face them.

Mum stared at her face for a few seconds. "You know you hurt me so much Jane. You're the only one I have any hope from" she said as she looked at me from the corner of her eye for a split second. Jane pulled mum's long bony hand away from and stood up. "Not as much as you have hurt literally everyone else around you" she said in a voice that was loud but still trembling. I decided to stand up because this was it.

Jane backed up a bit to stand besides me. Mum looked at us for a while a bit perplexed. But soon she thought she realized something. She looked at me with a spiteful expression and hissed, "What the fuck have you been telling her Lizzie?". "You should be a little more interested in what all I hear mother" I said as I stepped forward, "Colarado, June, remember anything?".

Her facial expression relaxed a bit as she realized that there was no way out of this accusation. She turned around and started to leave.

"Why won't you just divorce dad and get him and all of us out of this pain mum?" Jane shouted at her. She stopped dead.

"You don't realize what all I have ever done for this family" she said without turning around. "You have done enough mum" I said with a newfound crazy strength. "What you don't realize is that your action has consequences that you cannot even understand" I said as I was slowly walking towards her, "Jane's eating disorder in senior year, dad's loneliness, you don't see anything but what you want to see. You never see the pain".

"Elizabeth, stop it. I am not doing this right now" she said as I saw her clenching her fist.

"I have been stopping myself for far too long mother, I won't today. Or do you want me to wait to read about your next catch in Beardlsy Post's front page tomorrow?" I recall saying that to her blonde neck.

I remember her turning around not because I saw her do that but from the momentum of the slap she planted on my right cheek. It was so off guard that I stumbled from the impact and fell sideways in the old rug. I heard Jane squeal "MOTHER!" as her voice was beginning to break. Mum's bony hand with long fingers smacked me so hard that I thought for a moment that my right eye would pop out.

"Out" she said as she looked down on me lying on the dusty rug, "Get Out right now before you completely ruin this extremely important party". "What the fuck are you talking about", Jane screamed. She turned around in her purple and black robe and walked away. Jane followed her into the corridor.

I stood up and for 30 seconds looked for my boots not realizing that I was still wearing them. When I did realize, I started to walk downstairs. Tears were beginning to well up in my eyes. I still had pale pink eye shadow on my left eyelid.

I heard noises from the ballroom and tried to find a way out of the place without attracting any attention. I still heard dad's jolly laughter from far away as if everything was totally normal. I escaped into a side corridor that went into the ballroom kitchens. I passed through the caterers bustling about literally unnoticed. I stepped out into the foyer that served as the entrance to the ballroom. Some guests whom I didn't knew were in the process of handing their coats. I wasn't able to control my tears as I opened the other smaller closet for my coat.

I looked back to see if Jane or someone else were coming for me as I was putting on my overcoat when I accidentally smacked my arm on the face of someone who was coming out of the restroom that was besides the closet.

"Sorry" I said in a voice that was by now slurred with tears. I looked up and all my horrors decided that this was the perfect moment to employ every worst coincidence they can: Darcy was standing towering above me looking into my eyes as his expressions were changing from mild amusement to unpleasant speculation.

"Lizzie?" I heard Jane's faint voice coming from the other side of the kitchens I just crossed. I gave Darcy a longed pain look as he turned around to see where the sound was coming from. By the time he looked back at me I was already storming out in the snow.

I walked rapidly as I was bitterly sobbing in the cold evening air. I reached halfway through when Darcy brutally pulled me from my arm. "Liz, what's wrong?" he said as he panted a bit.

I turned around and with the palms of my hands tried to push him away from me, "Get away from me!" I screamed. The push didn't do as much to actually push him but it made him stop and leave my arm. He looked at me plainly.

"You've ruined enough things already. I don't want to see your face ever again!" I screamed on the top of my lungs as hot tears fought with the cold air that was hitting my cheeks. He stood there trying to hide his confusion with a stoic expression.

I turned around was about to start running towards my car when I turned around one last time and said to him, "By the way, Happy Fucking Birthday!".

I got into the car and was in such a hopeless hurry that I almost crashed it with one of the guest's car that was pulling in. I exited the private road and before entering the highway, I pulled over, looked at the road in the rear view mirror, and let out a loud scream of anguish. I sat there and cried for the next 5 minutes till I was quite out of breath. I rolled my window down and sped towards the highway, enjoying the numbness of my face because of the cold wind.

And that was the last time I ever saw the Bennet Estate in my life.


	11. Tomorrowland

"Am I speaking to Miss Elizabeth Bennet?"

"Yes, yes you are."

"I am calling on behalf of the HR Department of DreamCast Pictures to confirm your appointment with the head writer of the project at 11AM on December 24th. We would appreciate if you would show up at least 30 minutes prior with all the necessary documentation"

"Ooo-kay", I replied trying to hide my sarcasm.

"The interview will be held at the pix studios office building and will be conducted by Mr. Castor Troy, so ask for him at the reception", the nasally voice continued mechanically.

Castor Troy? Is Nicholas Cage going to interview me?

"Do you have any questions?". "No, I get it. Thanks for the call", I replied as my attention was now on a bright pink suitcase on the luggage belt that looked a lot like mine.

"You're welcome " she voiced and hung up. It wasn't mine.

The airport was absolutely decked from top to bottom with Christmas decoration in a rather minimal way. That or the crowd made it impossible to notice it. I used to think that the people who escape winters during Christmas are idiots. But then I grew up, and I started to realise that there is an appeal to running away from things from time to time.

The airport might have been crowded but my flight wasn't. I overheard two air hostesses during flight who were sharing a mundane moment of small talk saying how the other way round has more passengers on it this time of the year. Despite this, my luggage was taking an excruciatingly long time to arrive. I didn't sleep well on the flight and was worried about keeping Emily waiting for me outside.

By the time I got all my luggage it was almost 11:30 in the morning. I didn't think about it much as I was approaching the exit, but I was hit by the most brightest flash of sun I had ever faced in my entire life. That was when I realised that the last time I saw the sun it was probably sometime after halloween. I moved away from the crowd of honking cars to a part of the pavement where people were waiting for their ubers and taxi to spot them. I didn't make any effort to seek Emily but I stood there with my eyes closed and my face turned up towards the sky. There was a very strong wind blowing which had some coolness but the sky was bright and the sun was truly beautiful.

"That's LA for you", I heard a deep but kind voice coming from my side. I slowly opened my eyes and saw an old man looking at me with a kind smile. I instinctively smiled back. I thought that nobody was noticing me doing that.

Soon after he recognised a car and waded through the people standing before us to reach it. I stood there for another 5 minutes till I felt someone gently tap my shoulder. I turned sideways and found a woman with bright red hair and tanned skin smiling at me from under her oversized shades.

"You've lost weight Lizzie", Emily said as she stood there coyly. We both laughed and hugged each other.

She had parked her car a bit away so we had to walk but I didn't mind despite how tired I was.

"So, how's your father?" She asked in a not so casual way that surprised me a bit. But then I remembered that the last time we saw each other I got the news from Beardsley about dad's heart attack and how I had to rush home barely after the farewell party. I felt kind of guilty for not being in touch with her after that.

"He's fine now, quite good actually ", I replied. She gave me a quick smile, "thank god".

I met Emily as a freshman at University of Pennsylvania as a classmate. Her father is a doctor in Pasadena and her mother was a school teacher who died when she was 14. She is kind hearted and good willed. She had auburn hair which is now dyed a very bright red. She was rather broad limbed and tall. She is working here at a casting agency, which is why I contacted her hoping she would suggest some places for me to rent. She offered me to stay with her till I find some accommodations.

"It was very out of the blue, you calling and all", she said as we stopped at a traffic light. "It is a pretty odd time to apply for jobs, with the holiday season and all. People usually go home to their families, " she continued. She looked at me for a reply but I looked at my lap. I was visibly quite uncomfortable with the question which she sensed and felt a bit embarrassed. "It's clever I guess," she added hesitantly, "I mean you eliminate the competition quite a bit by applying this time" she added with a nervous chuckle. I smiled sweetly at him and started looking for my shades in my handbag.

"I asked around at work about pix studios and other stuff. I know you might not wanna hear this but there has been a lot of drama there lately" Emily said. "What do you mean", I asked. "The long and short of it is that the studio head and production company's ceo Just don't get along. In fact, the ceo has been losing favour from a lot of people lately. The situation is very uncertain. The movie for which you got a call back for, "The last letter ", was supposed to be released this summer. But they keep pushing the deadline. I know I saw multiple casting notes for that one asking a completely different set of voice actors. It's kind of a mess, I'm sorry ", she added rather apologetically.

"Don't worry about it Em", I sighed, "I applied to other places too. Newspapers and magazines. I am not counting too much on this one. The pay is pretty fucking shitty to be honest. And I am supposed to be interviewed by a guy named Castor Troy!" I exclaimed, chuckling a bit. This caught Emily off guard and she started laughing as she took a slight right towards olympic boulevard.

We arrived at her condo which was on strand street in Santa Monica. It seemed pretty expensive, her father had a habit of making up for his lack of affection with money.

"Steve, my boyfriend is on tour right now till February but I do hope you guys meet soon " she said as she put the keys in a glass bowl by the door. "This place is beautiful " I said as a standard gesture of curtsy. The drawing room was an explosion of colours and textures. I noticed the spacious balcony outside the room which had the view of looking down at the ocean avenue running parallel to the coast line. She gestured towards a room at the end of a short narrow gallery and said, "you should rest and freshen up a bit, we'll go out for dinner tonight".

We went out for dinner at a simple diner. Emily always knew how to make it comfortable for people, she knew that anything fancy would have made it formal.

"Do you mind if I smoke?" I asked as the waitress left with our orders. "No, not at all" she replied, still looking at the menu. "I honestly lost count of the number of times you said you'll quit when we were in college" she said with a sly smile. I let out a puff of smoke and chucked with a heavy breath. "I still do try to quit," I started, "wish it was easy. Hell, life isn't easy" I said. The air was cold but not bitter.

And over some cheap hot dogs and beer, I told her everything about mum and dad, careful excluding my "affair" with the gentleman causing all the trouble. She sat staring at the half empty beer in front of her for a couple of minutes. "So this is why you rushed out here" she concluded as she looked at me.

"You guys need anything else?" The waitress asked as we sat in silence. "No, we'll have the check" Emily said. "Do you want to split it with your girlfriend?" The waitress asked kindly gesturing towards me. We looked at each other for a moment and let out a laugh.

We walked along the coast for a bit. "What will you do if you don't get a job anywhere? Will you go back?" Emily asked. "Never", I said resolutely " I'll literally do anything here, I'll work for a newspaper, work as a waitress. I'll become a fucking stripper if it comes to that but I am never going back there again" I said with a certain rage building up in me. "It won't come to that Lizzie " she said as she put an arm around my shoulder. "You'll get something, don't worry "

It was around 11:30 by the time we came back. "If you need anyone just ask" Emily said, holding a yawn back. "Okay, good night" I said. "Good night" she smiled back with sleep heavy eyes.

I went out to the balcony and removed my shoes. I sat on the lounge chair and fished for another cigarette. I looked at the ocean with it's rolling waves, the wind with it's chillness. I leaned back and took some big deep breaths. A few days back I felt the slaps of cold icy winds, among other things, on my face. But as of this moment, I was a free woman, smoking my cigarette while gazing into the unbounded Pacific. I probably wasn't happy, but for the first time in my life I felt in control. And happiness is just another drug compared to this feeling.


	12. Christmas Lights

The sordid Matisse stared down at me from where I was sitting. The disfigured orange figures frolicking in joy, the starkness of the painting, the 15 minutes I spent sitting in the lonely lobby felt like an eternity. Until I heard a voice.

"Bennet, Elizabeth?", a tall lanky man wearing loose sweaters and horn-rimmed glasses called while coming out of a corridor.

"That's me" I said while standing up, a bit flustered by being taken away from the experience of the painting so suddenly.

I went up to him. He put his right hand out to greet. "Hi I am Castor Troy, head writer", he said.

I was a bit taken aback, for I was expecting him to be an assistant or some intern.

"I'm Elizabeth", I replied feeling awkward not knowing what to do. "I know", he said back with the same awkwardness. "But you can call me Lizze" I retorted back, saving myself. "That's great!", he said with a cheery smile, "follow me".

It was a long plain white corridor which was eerily deserted. The morbidity of the entire building was making me question my decision to apply for a job at a time when people are on holidays and office buildings are abandoned wastelands filled with losers with poor family skill. But then I realised the irony of what I just thought and shoved all fears and doubts with a huge mental YOLO.

We entered his small office which seemed to be made out of nothing but walls of tall bookshelves and piles of messy ring-bound documents. He had some opened files on his tables which he carelessly picked up and shoved behind his chair.

"I hope you excuse the mess, we're running short on staff" he said in an apologetic tone as he shoved another set of papers in a drawer by the wall.

"Don't worry about it, it's the holidays" I said as I wondered if it would be rude to sit without asking for permission.

"Yeah that's one reason for sure" he replied with snide sarcasm as he adjusted his chair, "do sit down Elizabeth" he gestured towards one of the two chairs across from his.

"So, I heard you're from New Hampshire?" He said as he fished out a file with a sticky note that said 'H.R.'.

"Yeah I just got here a few days back", I replied as I was extremely distracted by a photo frame sitting on the table amid a mess. It was a picture of Castor with another guy. Both of them were wearing tuxedos and hugging each other. He wasn't wearing any glasses but he seemed extremely happy and glowing in it, unlike his condition right now as he looked haggard and extremely tired.

"That's my husband", he said glancing at me sideways with the HR file still in his hand. I felt like he was looking for my reaction.

"You look very happy here. Congratulations", I said, returning his haze with the widest smile I knew.

He shut close the file and leaned back in his chair as he apprised me. I smiled back a bit awkwardly, then I chuckled and asked, "what?"

He smiled and looked down and said with a bit of embarrassment, "I hope you excuse me but I wasn't expecting someone from a place like Beardsley to be so chill about it".

"It's okay", I replied back, "it's far better to be judged a bigot than it is to be judged a degenerate I suppose".

This time he gave a big magnanimous smile and nodded enthusiastically.

"Anyways, you do know that the position you applied for is quite temporary, right?", he asked leaning forward on the table.

"Yes I do, this is exactly the kind of job I need", I replied suddenly being a bit conscious about my posture, making sure I came across as professional as I can.

"You majored in English Literature, and worked as a librarian?" He asked. I confirmed.

"What made you leave your librarian job and move all the way to the other end of the country?", he asked. The question just came out of nowhere and hit me square in the face.

What should I do, be honest or cook up some bullshit? What if I don't get this job?

My mind was running in circles and I felt like I had frozen. Everything from the library to my apartment in Beardsley to the bennet estate to my mother's face flashed before my eyes. My mind was complete chaos. Darcy's face popped up for a moment finally and in a moment I blurted out. "I wanted to try something new and engaging for once in my life, it's too short to suffocate yourself with the same people you've known for the rest of your life", I said while staring not directly at him but at the corner of his chair's back. "Also, it gets really awkward when you keep running into your cousins on tinder".

I couldn't believe what I just vomited out but there was something about the ambience and atmosphere of the place along with the skinny middle aged guy in casual clothes smiling at me that put me in peace. Luckily for me, he laughed.

"You're honestly the funniest person I've met in quite a while, and I mean it", he said while looking around him rather dejected. He pulled a paper from the file, wrote something and signed it.

"Give this to Shelly at HR on your way out. She's in the main administrative building" he handed the paper to me.

I rose slowly in disbelief as I stared at him and then the paper.

"Congratulations", Castor said with a smile as he held out his hand again. I took it but my hand was quite limp. I was still processing this bizarre interview and the fact that I had a job in Los fucking Angeles now.

Whatever excitement I had about my newfound success was dutifully subdued by the bustling administrative building of the studios. The HR made me wait for 90 minutes easily and the remainder of paperwork took another 2 hours. By the time I reached back to the reception area it was well into late afternoon and I was starving. All I could think about was sharing a nice hearty Christmas dinner (my treat of course) with Emily as soon as possible. I didn't even work out the details as she was having a party tonight. Maybe we can sneak out for a late night snack. I didn't care much. I was happy in a long time.

As I was crossing the lobby I heard a voice call my name that made my heart skip a beat . I turned around and saw who else but Aidan emerged from an opposite corridor with his assistant by his side. He was holding a large briefcase.

I don't know if it was the beautiful evening, the emotions of the whole day manifesting into something surreal or just seeing Aidan of all people in a moment when I was ecstatic, whatever it was, I almost ran up to him and mounted myself with a hug. He staggered a bit but he laughed it off and wrapped his arms around my waist as his briefcase heaved it down. I closed my eyes for a second and felt like one feels when they finally enter the warmth of a home after a cold chilly windy day.

I opened my eyes and saw his brunette assistant look at me awkwardly and smiling sheepishly. I immediately jumped down and looked up at him blushing.

"Of all the people I can run into, I run into you! That too here? What are you doing here?" Aidan asked, unable to control his excitement. His assistant looked at him as if she has never seen him behave like this before.

"I had a job interview here", I said, as it slowly dawned on me whether he knows about the drama back home.

"Which department?" He asked.

"The animation studios", I said.

"Was that the team under Castor Troy?" He asked.

"Yes, you know him?" I asked.

"Yeah he's a great guy" he said. "Did you get the job then?", he asked.

"Yeah actually I did" I replied with that intoxicated smile, " don't even ask how".

His assistant smiled at me and congratulated me.

"Congratulations! You would have gotten it though" Aidan said.

There was an overlong moment of awkward silence as we stood there smiling at each other like idiots.

"Where are you staying here in LA?" Aidan asked as if he remembered something to ask. "I'm with a college classmate of mine" I replied. "Where is she living?". "Santa Monica".

"I'll get the car out of the parking lot for you?" His assistant asked him as she eyed my coyly. "Yes thanks", Aidan replied, a bit distracted.

"You left home rather dramatically Lizzie", he said to me as he stepped a bit forward. "Was it about your parent's divorce?" He asked.

"You can say that," I said.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything but I was hoping you would call or message me, I hope none of that was because of me" he said looking downwards at the floor.

"Oh no Aidan don't be stupid" I retorted hastily. "I was just going through a lot to be honest. I was feeling pretty suffocated in that place. I had to move out. I just had to. I was feeling so out of control".

We walked out of the building. His assistant was now standing by a car which was manned by a driver with tanned skin and deep brown hair.

"You need a lift?" Aidan asked.

I looked around as I realised that I had completely forgotten about how I was going to make it all the way to Santa Monica from the valley. My experience with this place's public transportation was a horrendously bad experience. But I was also conflicted about whether or not it would be rude to accept the offer.

"Where do you live?" I asked as professionally as I could. Aidan smiled.

"Don't worry Lizzie I have to meet with some people in Venice, it won't be out of my way. You're new in town and this is the city of angels not city of good transport"

I sat in the back with Aidan while his assistant and driver were in the front. We dropped off her assistant at westdale.

A few minutes after she got off, Aidan turned to me and asked in a low voice, "what are you doing tonight?"

"I don't know Emily has some party planned or something. Why?" I asked even though I kind of sensed what he meant.

He sighed and left out an apologetic smile.

"I was supposed to have this meeting with some people tonight but they canceled obviously because it's Christmas eve and they have a life" he said while looking out at the crawling traffic. "When I saw you I thought for a moment that for once I won't be alone on Christmas", he said as he shyly looked into my eyes.

I thought about it. It was a day that my future self would call truly blessed. It wasn't ideal but I was getting what I want. And not only that, I was miles away in a stranger city with someone who was the opposite of a stranger. After everything I went through, there I was sitting in a Mercedes with a guy who was making me feel wanted, actually wanted and didn't have any reason to push me around.

"Let me make some calls" I said as I gazed deeply into his green eyes.

He smiled excitedly and said, "go ahead" gesturing towards the traffic "we're not going anywhere for a long time it seems". His driver cracked at the joke.

His apartment was big but still very empty as the stuff was still lying around in boxes. The kitchen had a scattered look with bubble wraps and cardboards. Despite the emptiness there was a medium sized (slightly taller than me) Christmas tree in the drawing room. It was decorated with red, yellow, green and orange fairy lights. The bedroom had a view of the street below and there was a movie theatre across the street that had large flashy lights illuminating its name.

I don't remember the name, only the flashes of neon pink, greens and blue that it shed in the dark bedroom where me and Aidan shared the entire Christmas eve naked in each other's arms, me finally having an orgasm after what seemed to me an eternity of irritating loneliness.

I remember sleeping like a baby that night. It was indeed a very merry Christmas for me in a long long time. Before I could even enjoy it, a sense of dread soon took me by surprise. The day was after all too good to be true.

I opened my emails in my phone and went to the spam folder, as in a fit of rage I marked all of Darcy's mail as spam and it now goes there automatically.

His last mail was on December 23:

"I have to talk to you Liz, please. Call me asap."

I stared at it for a while and went to the bathroom to smoke a cigarette.

I wondered how many more orgasms was it going to take to fuck Darcy out of the system.


	13. Among The Ruins

I never got any chance to think about me and Aidan. I sneaked out of his insultingly large apartment at the break of dawn before he could wake up. I thought about stopping and ask for his number but a part of me wanted to get out of there as if it sensed something bad about to happen. It was a ridiculously stupid feeling; furthermore the proof that I probably don't deserve good things.

I thought about calling someone, maybe Jane or dad, but I couldn't bring myself to. I was a bit embarrassed maybe. I thought I'll break down crying to either of them.

The job was as good as the minimum wage would allow it to be. And this is me talking about it with the benefit of hindsight (when I, the author of this rambling tale knows what is to happen); in the actual lived reality of the experience, the winter in LA was just like everything else in LA is: hazy and unrelenting.  
When your present is sordid and disappointing, everything about the past seems better just by comparison. I ended up having nostalgia for snowy cold Beardsley winters. But what baffled me most was how much of it was about Darcy. I felt this awful churning in me. I left that life for a reason didn't I? Why else would I take such a big step in such a haphazard way? I knew it won't be rainbows here, I knew it would suck. If anything I thought I was taking it well, the almost abandoned office building, the uninterested producer, the lecherous executive producer. The mormon writer from Utah with a Madonna-Whore complex. The lazy assistant who forgot the sugar in my coffee; not that it would have been an improvement over the sewage water masquerading as espresso. The horrid public transport of LA, the scam artists and regular artists trotting the streets, the woman pissing on the pavement; everything I am taking well. Then comes Aidan, major dreamboat, the prince who can literally sweep me off my feet without taking my shoes off and all I can think of is the isolation and loneliness of Frank Darcy? What is it that I need? What is it that I even want? Will I ever be happy?

At lunch break a few days later, Jane called.

"I don't care who you are mad at now but it is important to tell you that mum and dad's divorce proceedings has started" I heard her voice with impeccable restraint.

"Are you home?" I asked after a short pause. "Yes, I'll have to be" she said sighing. "You shouldn't have stormed out like the way you did Liz" she said as her voice broke a bit.

"I'm not very proud of it Jane" I said in a low voice taking a cigarette out from my pocket.

"You should have called someone" he said choking on tears.

"I know Jane, I am sorry" I said. "I almost forgot that I had Emily's number, I was thinking of hunting you down in LA otherwise" she said as she sharply sniffed.  
"So what will happen to mum and dad now?" I asked just as I lit the cigarette.

"We're yet to see. Mum has some ownership in the firm and all so that would make it all sticky" she said. "Your old classmate Aidan is here to advise dad about what to do next with finances" Jane added. I felt a sweet rush in my stomach, but before I could say anything, "well, more like his firm is. You know, the one by Frank Darcy" jane added even more carelessly.

"Anyways, I heard you're working under Castor Troy!" Jane said with as much glee she could add while tears still filled her voice.

"Jane I have to tell you something" I started. I didn't think it through as I glanced at the wall clock to see that the break was over.

"what?" she asked.

"I'll call you after work. It is a long story and I need to tell it to someone" I said as I put the cigarette out in my ashtray.

"Wait, Lizzie, I….." I heard her voice trail off as I hung up to collect my scraps of unoriginal ideas to spew out in the table read.

I called her almost 9 times after work. Two or three times I was routed to her German assistant. Three times she just didn't answer and the last time it was turned off, that was also when I gave up. I knew I was too late now. It doesn't work that way. How can I be so selfish and immature about my feelings? When I had the opportunity I didn't say anything to anyone, and now when we are as apart as people can be, I expect her to be there. She already has enough on her plate; in fact, it is almost like she doesn't even have a plate. She is quite possibly juggling her way through these times. And all I could do was run away from everything. Why do I think I even deserve help? From anyone? I spent the entire evening in front of the TV streaming some run-of-the-mill documentary about an obscure person who at the time was considered interesting enough to be made into a documentary. I don't remember after how many glasses of wine I fell asleep, or passed out, on the couch. But I do remember waking up by the aggressive and impatient sound of the door bell. I saw the TV which was now showing a bald man whispering something about imaginary unicorns to the camera. I turned it off. It was 5 in the morning.

I went to open the door wondering if Emily lost her set of the keys. I didn't expect Jane standing there, with her rugged mascara and disheveled hair. The moment we registered each other's presence, she heaved herself upon me letting out a loud wait of cry. And in that moment I felt like enough buttons were pushed as I wrapped my arms around her oversized handbag and breathed a relaxing cry.

I didn't even have to ask her why she flew all the way to here. I didn't care if it was because of what I said on call yesterday. For the first time in my life I was just glad she was here in person.

She in true Jane fashion helped herself to the kitchen and made two large mugs of coffee. Despite the torturous hangover, I enjoyed the sounds of that morning.

"When did it all happened?" I asked peeping into my mug.

"I would say soon after you left" she replied. "It was quite inconvenient"

"What was?" I asked.

"Well…" Jane said, "Everything" drawing a deep breath. "Their marriage was in tatters already. It is ironic that it was just for convenience's sake till now. But it was hurting everyone involved".

"So, what now?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" "How will it all go down now?" I asserted.

"The paperwork would be mind numbing as fuck" she said drawing a sigh. "The financial situation with mother as a stakeholder is particularly frustrating".

I took a cigarette out from my purse that was lying near the coffee table. Almost instinctively Jane picked up an ashtray from the cabinet by the wall and handed it to me all the while still calculating the trajectory of the events.

"I think you need to be there a few things, Some paperwork that you need to sign. Don't worry I'll explain it all." she added as she settled besides me on the sofa.

"In Beardsley?" I asked.

"Boston" she said, taken aback a bit.

I nodded as it made a bit sense but soon noticed Jane drifting away in another thought. I didn't ask what was bothering, I wanted to give her some time.

"Dad is selling the Beardsley estate" she said.

There was a moment of silence between us as she looked at me.

"You're kidding?" I exclaimed.

"Why would I be kidding about it?" she said, a bit hurt presumably.

"What about dad?" I asked, "and what about mother?".

Jane suddenly had a solemn look on her face. Her generally warm generous features now turned into icy stone as her deep blue eyes pierced through me.

"Now you care? For a month Lizzie you hole up in the other side of the country and not even try to reach out any goddamn fucking living soul and now you're pretending like you care?" she slithered out in a way I forgot she could.

"I am not on vacation here Jane" I implored trying to stay calm. "I am trying to figure things out myself here"

"Lizzie, no matter how much sappy sad things you say while chain smoking, that would not justify your actions, okay?" she stood up slowly as her voice raised with her. I stared at her through the puff of smoke trying to register this moment. I put out my cigarette and stood up.

"What actions?" I asked slowly, "What have I ever done to anyone?"

"That is the problem Lizzie, you have never done anything" she said as she towered over my entire being. "When was the last time you made any, ANY effort in any of the relationships you have had? Tell me? I am not talking about mother or anyone else here. You didn't even call me once Lizzie after storming out of the home like that. It is not about me here before you go on accuse me of 'burdening' you with emotions. You really think you can do it all on your own? I don't care if I could have helped you here or not but I could have been there for you as you could have for me. Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever een thought about making that effort for anyone?" she was practically screaming.

"You know me Jane, I…" I started to stutter as her impatience gave way and she swayed around her arms helplessly.

"Honestly, Lizzie, I don't anymore" she darted those words at me. "I have not known you in a very long time. And like an idiot I always line up before you so that at least I can do my part as a sister but you don't care about anything else. Don't think that I don't know how depressed you are, Lizzie. I am not here to guilt you into anything. All I ever expected was the bare minimum. I am walking on eggshells here trying to make sure that people don't do to you what they have been doing to me." Her voice started to crack as she turned around and stuffed her face in her long bony hands. I collapsed back on the sofa. She did the same while muffling her wails from behind her hands.

I held my forehead in hands, slouching over. It felt like someone was rubbing hot wire through my brain. I didn't know what to say, or do. I knew I needed to do something, something pointless and inconsequential. The mess of drawing room felt like the rubbles of my life. Everyone that ever mattered to me left dusted with the remains of a long gone happy time. I felt completely paralyzed. But then, literally out of nowhere, the memory of me holding Darcy's face in my hands rushed past my consciousness for a split second, his pained expression and his deep eyes.

I got up and brought Jane a glass of water. She looked at me through the mist of her tears for a second and held the glass with both hands and sipped on it like a little child.

I sat defeated besides her as she took a couple of minutes to empty the entire glass.

"Dad will move to Boston, mother is moving to Milan with her boyfriend" she said with a quivering voice. "The thing will take a few months, 7-8 if we're lucky." She added. "For God's sake, _call dad_" she said as the quiver started to get strong again.

"I will" I said meekly as I felt my own throat getting heavy now.

"It might not mean much to you right now Jane" I started slowly, "but I am really sorry for everything. I thought I was trying but I wasn't. I was being a bitch in all senses".

"You need to know that anything you need me for I am going to be there" she added emphatically, "this divorce is not breaking news to me, there was always just the two of us, ever since we were kids"

"I still need a bit time Jane, to get out of this emotional state" I said as I gazed at the floor with tears welling up my eyes.

She instantly hugged me tightly. "Take all the time you need in the world, Lizzie. It's okay. It happens to the best of us."

"Let's go for some breakfast?" I asked as she emerged from the bathroom after washing her face.

"I'm really sorry Lizzie but I need to be in Boston tonight" she said with a pained expression.

"Oh, it's okay. You can make a pit stop here whenever you want" I said, "my job isn't that busy. It's a wonder I'm even getting paid here" I sniggered.

"Have you applied to other places?" she asked.

"Yeah, some newspapers and magazines. Might get something after this holiday season" I replied picking up some litter off the floor.

"Oh you will don't worry" she said with that warm smile, "just keep hoping and keep doing your best".

"And please positively call dad, today" she said while turning around at the door.

"I will…" I suddenly remembered something, "hey, wait a minute! I didn't even ask about Bingley! How is he?"

Jane stopped dead in her way and turned around slowly. She was smiling sadly.

"I'm so sorry, I should have told you before. This divorce settlement might as well just kill me someday." She mumbled, "John and I broke up, Lizzie".

Before I could say anything an old woman got out of a door besides me with her 6 cats and fumbled with her front door lock for 5 whole minutes. I kept waiting for her to move along but she wouldn't budge.

"It was nothing, don't worry about it at all" she assured me quietly and patted my shoulders, "We'll talk about it later, it's a long story".

She swiftly turned around and went away towards the stairs. She and the old cat woman shared a warm greeting and I stood standing there, leaning on the doorway with my arms locked as her car sped through the late morning traffic rush, honking violently.


	14. It's a Wrap

The writer's room was filled with the smell of rancid coffee and cheap deodorant. There was a low murmur as everyone was killing their time waiting for Castor to come out of his office for the usual drab. His muffled voice came from behind his office door as his silhouette paced up and down his crowded office.

"I heard a rumor that this movie project will be cancelled" a strawberry blonde said to the people in her close vicinity.

"Just the project or the producer?" said the raven haired woman with a vicious smirk.

"What do you mean" asked plain Colin from Utah with his eyes glued to his laptop screen as rapidly typed into it.

"Don't behave as if you haven't seen the head of the studio, Colin" the blonde retaliated, "the guy is a walking sexual-harassment lawsuit waiting to happen".

"That is not something too remarkable" a guy in a sweater said as he pulled his chair besides raven-hair and leaned back looking at blonde with a smug expression, "find me one studio in this place that doesn't have a guy like that and I'll…" he trailed off as he searched for a way to complete his challenge.

"You'll suck his dick?" raven-hair said as everyone around burst in a laughter that lasted for a few seconds and then dissipated into a cheerful murmur.

"All I'm saying is" the sweater guy started in a slightly louder voice that got the attention of all the people on the table, "that is how it works in this town. There was a time when I used to think that things can be different, if I try hard enough I can do something about it. Maybe I was naïve, immature. I'm sorry ladies" he said while looking at me, "that's the way the cookie crumbles". The blonde and the raven exchanged looks of exasperation with each other as the men rather cordially agreed.

"Says the guy who never ate the cookie himself" I said while pretending to write something on my notepad. I saw the raven silently chuckle from the corner of my eyes.

"Excuse me?" the sweater said with forced friendliness.

"What?" I acted surprised.

"You said something" he said with visible flames of anger in his icy blue eyes. Ice overcoming the blood of his face.

"I was just wondering if you were ever assaulted by a cocaine-caviar mogul to be so convinced about the might of the executive sword" I asked maintaining a smile of formality.

He broke into a sharp smile that bared his gums. He looked at the table for a few seconds and nodded.

"You're right, Bennet" he said, "I don't know anything. I have been in this business only for, what, 10 years? But you know who's been here for longer? Castor right here" he gestured towards his office which was now the source of the raised voice of Castor. "You think it would have been easy for a gay guy from Nebraska to become even a fucking grip on the sets of a porno, let alone an Emmy-winning writer? Do you think he whines so much about every asshole he met in his life? No. He worked around it. Made it in this place on his own."

"Whining?" I said sarcastically, "Gee, I wonder why he never talks about these kinds of things".

Raven-hair started laughing nervously, "Hey, does anyone want any more…uh…coffee?"

"You think you're the only woman who has said these things, Bennet?" sweater guy, ignoring raven-hair, has by now shed off all civility and was on his way to burning hostility, "But I mean, it has been like what, 40 days since you're here. I'd give you 15 more days to get rid of your idealism, little girl. Run free till then".

"Come on now, Steve" I said mockingly, "you have been like this for 10 whole years, the least you can do is give me more than just 15 days".

I admit I was starting to get afraid by the looks of him. He drew a long breath with a firm wooden mouth to what I felt could only be a voluptuous spout of hell-fire. But then a harsh noise erupted from Castor's office.

"Shove your severance up your filthy ass and fuck yourself!" the muffled voice coming from his office was still loud enough to echo in the silence that followed immediately after he probably crashed a beer bottle.

Everyone sat there petrified. After a beat of few moments, as if suddenly gripped by the terror of a boss in a very visibly bad mood, everyone started to shuffle through their work, some looking through their notepads and pages, some frantically typed gibberish on their computers. Soon Castor emerged from his office.

"Good morning Cas!" everyone chimed in.

"Very funny guys it's 2PM" Castor murmured as he texted. He seemed calm but none of us were sure.

After a minute or so, he sat down at his regular place at the head of the table and leaned in. in compliance, or to alleviate any possibility of his wrath, everyone mimicked him.

"We won't be able to have a table read today. I'm sorry I should have told you before" he said. "We will meet next week. I'll tell you when. You can go now". With this he got up and quickly entered his office shutting its fragile door with a loud thud.

Everyone sat there for a few minutes confused as to what to do. When it became apparent that we were really dismissed, people started to slowly scuttle off from the table, collecting their stuff in the process. As I put my notebook and phone in my purse, I heard Castor's stern voice from the open door of his office, "Elizabeth, can I have a word with you?" and he shut his door again.

The strawberry blonde looked at me with genuine sympathy while the raven-hair faked hers, and sweater-Steve smirked with ruthless mirth as he headed out of the writer's room with his hands stuffed down his trousers pockets. I tried to recall the last pages I sent in; did he found out that I didn't proofread? Was he shouting because of me? That's stupid. I didn't do anything. _Am I fired?_

I gingerly opened the door and gently knocked on it. Castor looked up from a file, "Yes, do come in. Sit down" he said with his eyes glued on the file.

I sat down on the rickety chair as my heart was beating in my throat. I can't remember since when I started caring about this job so much, I knew in the back of my head that I'll have to leave it one day. What I never expected was that it would happen this way.

He silently sifted through the pages for what seemed like two excruciatingly long minutes. _Should I start saying something about the pages?_

"Listen, Cas, about the pages" I blurted out with desperation, "I know I should have proofread them. I'm sorry. It will never ha…"

"Fuck the pages. The movie is shelved" he said monotonously while still looking down.

"What?" I asked.

He closed the file slowly and looked up to me. I was surprised to see that he was not angry.

"I am going to ask you to be one hundred percent honest here Elizabeth" he said in a low voice. "Have you applied to other places for jobs?"

I was tongue-tied. I didn't know what to say. _What do I tell him, do I tell him the truth? Is this some kind of bizarre trial or something?_

"I don't know what you are referring to." I said as I arched my back straight and tried my poker face.

He chuckled. "This is not a trick question, Elizabeth" he said with a deep sigh. "What I am going to tell you is kind of secret but I don't care if you tell someone or not. You're new anyways so I have nothing to lose here."

"What do you mean?" I asked, paining with confusion.

"This whole thing, the project, the studio, the production company, everything is wrapping up. It is all going to be up for sale" he said as he shoved the file in a narrow-mouthed dustbin quite brutally.

"Oh my god, what? Are you kidding Castor?" I asked.

He got up and produced a large crate from under his desk. "No, I'm dead serious" he said as he turned around to remove his diplomas from the wall, "and I think you can call me Cas now that we're 'unofficially' not coworkers. I do hope you have applied to other places."

"Yeah actually I have" I said.

"Just say the word and I'll write an excellent recommendation for you. Don't worry you'll get a much better job than this piece of shit place."

I was still in a state of disbelief. He sensed my prolonged silence, "Hey, you alright?"

"What about you? What will you do?" I asked as we walked up to a messy dresser by the window.

"Well, here is the other surprise which I do want you to keep your mouth shut about" he said producing a small bottle of water, "I got chosen for the McArthur grant" he said as he offered me the water.

"OH MY GOD!" I cried out in a shrill laughter. He immediately shushed me after getting startled by my scream and dropping the bottle.

"Secret Elizabeth!" he said shushing me.

"I'm sorry, but Congrats cas!" I said excitedly, "McArthur is a huge deal! Gosh I'm so happy for you!" I stood up and gave him a hug.

"Thank you, Elizabeth" he said gently, "You are the only one here who is actually happy for me. Anyone else I told about this just wanted to shoot me in the face" he said sulking.

It was bizarre how happy I felt despite the fact that I just lost my job.

"But, why did you tell _me_ about the company selling?" I asked after a few seconds.

He pondered over it for some moments and said, "When you spend so many years as an outsider, you develop this instinct about the people worth your trust" he said as he placed his wedding photo frame on the top of the books he piled on in his crate. "Besides, I've seen plenty writers like those up-their-ass trust fund kids thinking they're the next bestseller or something"

I sat there pondering if I should tell him about the trust fund checks I receive every month, but I decided to read the room and dropped the thought.

"So who's buying this place then?" I asked as I got up.

"I am not sure yet" he said, "and neither do I care".

"Fair enough" I said, "I should go now".

"I'll email you the letter of recommendation as soon as I can" he said.

"Thank you that is very kind of you Cas" I said.

"See you around, Elizabeth" he said kindly as I stepped out of his office.

The beach was drained in a deep orange color as the sun set behind droopy pacific waves. I held the phone by my left year as my heart beat in sync with the ring of the call. The adrenaline was pumping my blood up and I frantically rehearsed my words mentally before he would pick up the call. But then the tone abruptly broke.

"Is that my little Lizzie?" Dad said.

"Dad" the rehearsals fell flat as I broke down crying with a trembling voice.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"I'm so sorry dad, for not calling all this time. It's a miracle that you don't hate me already."

"How can I ever hate my precious Lizzie?" he said, I heard his voice breaking a bit. "How are you?"

"I'm fine Dad" I said trying to breathe through the sobs, "I lost my job today"

"Why? What happened?"

"It is nothing dad, don't worry about it. I'll get another. How are _you_ dad?"

"Oh Lizzie, I am doing okay" he said exasperated, "as okay a guy in my shoes can be."

"I'm so sorry about mom"

"Don't be sweetie. Just know that both of us still love you and Jane the most in the world."

"I know dad" I sniffed.

"Besides, it hurts but I also feel free. I can see that I can be happy now"

"That's great, Dad. I'm happy for you"

"Thanks sweetie, I will always love you"

I didn't realize how less I listen to that phrase until I cried another stream of hot tears illuminated by the red sun. The wind kept drying them but my eyes refused to give up. I cannot remember at what time I went to bed that day, I only remember that I woke up feeling truly rested and fresh as a flower.

"I thought your major was English Lit" Aidan said as he propped himself up from the bed.

"I have a minor in Economics too" I said.

"Will that be enough" he said lifting the large coffee mug from the night stand, "I mean, I don't want to demoralize you or anything, I hope you do get the job its good. But it is a very different position from your last."

"I know, I'm not so sure about it either to be honest" I said as I quit the mascara endeavor and sat in front of the dressing table with drooped shoulders, "but I am not going to pass up any job I can get my hands on" I looked at him through the mirror.

He got up holding the mug and stood behind me and squeezed my shoulders with his large soft hands.

"You're going to nail it, Lizzie. Trust me, you're smarter than you think you are" he said slowly in that way that melts my face into a smile.

I got up and turned around and lifted myself up on my toes to kiss him. He caressed my hair as I moved my hands across his bare chest. I slowly moved my right hand downwards towards his belly and then a little further down to his…

"WHOA WHOA LIZZIE!" he shouted while laughing shyly at the same time and hold my downwards hand that almost reached his boxers.

"What?" I said coyly, "it's for good luck!" I whispered.

"You clearly don't need any of this for luck" he laughed nervously, "You're good on your own"

"Come on it'll be quickie" I said as I leaned in for another smooch.

He leaned back and used his hands to hold me in my position rigidly. "Seriously Lizzie, I'm not in the mood right now, I'm sorry"

"Fine" I rolled my eyes, "if I don't get this job I'll know who to blame"

"Yeah but you will get it" he said as he sat by the bed and picked up his phone.

"Will you take me for dinner regardless?" I asked as I opened a shelf for my heels.

"Absolutely" he said smiling sleepily after taking a yawn, "I just need to nap a bit more"

"That is what you did the entire time last night" I said grumpily as I sat beside him to strap my sandals.

"I landed here at 1 in the morning Lizzie, I'm not some superhero who can do everything" he said while sipping his coffee.

I turned to look at him and he returned the smile with a kiss on my cheek. I searched for something in his eyes but I couldn't find it. He was sitting on the bed replying to some emails. Flew all the way from New York after all these days and this is all he wants to do. No sex, just sweet Aidan sleeping quietly besides me, cuddling, sure, but sleeping.

In a moment filled with equal parts dread and equal parts excitement Frank's face flashed before me, as it was when I was on top of his large naked body, my hands on his large broad chest.

"I'll see you later then" I said getting out of the room.


	15. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

"To Uncle Castor!" cried the young girl as other joined her, "Let this McArthur grant be only the beginning of all the great things in his life!"

The crowd cheered and raised their champagne glasses in the faint sunset light. Castor gave his husband a quick peck on the lips and leaned towards him with a kind smile. I saw Emily make her way through a forest of glittering glasses in raised arms.

"Sorry my boss ambushed me" she said exhilarated as she formally hugged Aidan and then squeezed me. "I saw you here as I was entering but _someone_" she said shooting a vicious glance in the direction of a middle aged woman with cropped hair, "doesn't understand the difference between work and play".

"Join the club" Aidan said with a smirk, "I have to fly to New York tonight. This job might as well just kill me".

"Weren't you looking for one here in LA?" Emily asked.

"I still am. I've been meeting with people in San Francisco" he said, "And since your precious Lizzie is now a full-fledged finance journalist" he pulled me a bit closer by my waist, "I am hoping I might be able to work something out."

"Awww, now that is adorable!" Emily exclaimed.

"I'm just a policy analyst" I said trying to force myself to smile.

"Still better than being an analyst for a shithole film studio" I heard Castor from behind.

I smiled and gave him a warm hug. Aidan firmly shook his hand.

"It wouldn't have been possible without your recommendation, Cas. You know it" I said.

"I just want to help as many people as I can on my way out of this place" he said peering into the deep orange sun hovering over the horizon of the pacific.

"Where will you be going now?" Aidan asked.

"New York" he replied, "I'm working on a play for Broadway and also some book projects".

"That's great." Aidan replied.

"Yeah. Besides Chris has gotten some projects in New Jersey himself so it would be great for the both of us" he said, "and our daughters love the east a bit more than here"

"Why?" Aidan asked, a bit taken aback, "it's far better here than it can ever be in New York!"

"Hollywood has never been a great place for me to be" Cas said while retaining his kindness, "these movie studios and all, too volatile and uncertain here."

"Yeah speaking of that" Aidan leaned a bit forward, "any idea who bought the DreamCast studios?"

"I think it is John Bingley" he said after a short pause.

Me and Aidan both exchanged looks of surprise.

"What?" I asked.

"Yeah" he said, "and that puts John Bingley on the fast lane towards becoming one of the most powerful producers in Hollywood right now. If you think about it the next big thing to him is Disney or Universal themselves. I also heard he is looking for property here in Bel Air too. He is making all the moves."

"That is because he knows how to diversify" Cas's husband Chris joined at this point.

"Elizabeth" he said kindly while giving me a rigid handshake, "I read your articles regularly, they are amazing. The ones about the rally of Exxon stocks was truly enlightening"

"Oh!" I was a bit surprised, "thank you!"

"I don't know what he is or isn't doing" Castor continued, "but he just might be the next big thing in here. Plus he doesn't look like an asshole by any stretch."

"Oh he isn't" Aidan said, "you should ask Lizzie, he is dating her sister"

"Really?" Chris said looking at me.

_Fuck! I literally forgot! Should I say it right now? What should I say?_

"They're rumors" I said, "They're just good friends".

Aidan looked at me a bit confused but thought it wise to not say anything.

"But he has been in the news for dating all the time, it's nothing new" Chris said, "the real person of interest here isn't the women but his friends."

"What do you mean?"Aidan asked.

"If you have the right people backing you, making a place in Hollywood becomes a lot easier" he replied, "And for John that special guy is Frank Darcy. He is doing everything he can to make John Bingley the Fresh prince of Bel Air."

Those words distracted me and I gulped an amount of champagne that was too large or my throat. My gag reflex came in action and I spit a good amount of the drink out with most of it spilling on my top.

"Oh geez, you okay?" Cas said as he picked a napkin from a passing by waiter.

"Yeah…I'm fine…." I said straining and coughing.

"Yeah I work for his company right now" Aidan said as he gently patted my back.

"Yeah and my parents were best friends with his mother" Chris said.

"You're British?" Aidan asked.

"Yes I lived there for a while" Chris said off-handedly, "Anyways, that guy is literally the stereotypical brooding hunk of a male you find in cheesy young adult romance novels, I mean no offense to you Cas I do love you".

"None taken" Cas replied smiling.

"I don't know about all that" Aidan said listlessly as he peeped into his almost empty champagne flute, "all I know is that he in sometimes a dick, a good boss no doubt, very smart. But a dick nevertheless"

"You're not alone in this" Chris said, "ask his ex-wife, Elaine"

"Hold on," Aidan said, "Elaine as in…. Elaine Bergmann?"

"Yes" Chris responded wisely.

"His first wife was Elaine Bergmann?" I asked with the shock crystal clear in my voice.

"I had such a crush on her when I was a senior in High school" Aidan said shyly.

"Didn't she just have an Oscar nomination for that indie movie?"Cas said while looking suspiciously at me sideways, "She's a great actress"

"Oh she's not an actress" Aidan said, "She's a superstar. Do any of you remember "Trooper Academy"? The show was never the same after she quit".

"Are you sure his first wife is Elaine Bergmann?" I asked Chris, for some reason wanting to avoid Castor's gaze. But I could still see his head tilting from the corner of my eyes; he did that whenever something amused him.

Chris was a bit taken aback. "You can google it if you want. They were a really big deal throughout the 2000s."

"What happened then?" I asked with a type of desperation in my voice that I know I wasn't controlling properly.

"I don't know" he said, "From what I heard they wanted different things in life. Some say it was because she was this A-list actress but I don't believe that."

"Why?" I asked.

"I am making a lot of assumptions here but" he said chuckling into a good nature yet nervous laugh, "Frank doesn't seem like the guy who does all that romance and relationships. And I'm not judging, maybe that is part of his charm. Women throw themselves at him anyways. Models, socialites."

"Yeah I heard one of our classmates had a fling with him last year" Aidan said enthusiastically, "You remember Nina, Lizzie? She's a model now."

_Elaine Bergmann? How did I not know this? How no-one did mention it? Of course I have never told anyone about it, but how did this never come up? But this didn't even made it in the news. Or did it? I must have been a kid back then. Why do I care so much? why does it still hurts, even after all this months?_

"Lizzie?" I phased back into the reality of the dusk in the Bel Air mansion where Aidan was expecting me to agree with a statement he just made.

"Yes, of course" I said shamelessly mindless, "I need another drink, can I get you guys anything?"

"No thank you" Chris and Aidan said together.

"A whiskey neat, right now" I commanded the bar tender like a soldier does on battle field. With shaky hands I placed a cigarette between my lips which the intimidated bar tender lit while looking down. "Thanks" I whispered hoping to rectify my mistake.

Castor sat beside me on a bar stool while looking at me like he just caught me doing something unexpected. I thought I would just not say anything and the moment will pass soon but every second felt like eternity with Castor wanting you to spill the beans.

"I did know he was from your hometown" he started quietly, "his mother was from Beardsley. I didn't know anything about him other than that. But it seems like I'm getting to know more, not just from Chris."

"I don't know what you're talking about" I said puffing a thin cloud of smoke after holding it in my throat for some seconds.

"Lizzie you pulled that shit when I asked you about looking for other jobs too, don't give me that again" he said tartly.

I burst into a laugh and so did he. But soon the grief gave way and I slouched my head into my hands, the half-burnt cigarette stuck between the fingers of my left hand. The bar tender gently placed my glass near me.

"I am assuming Aidan doesn't know" Castor said quietly.

"Obviously not" I said lifting my head up.

"Are you still seeing him?"

"Obviously not!" I repeated, a bit taken aback this time.

"When was the last time you saw each other?"

"Some two months ago I guess. I was mad at him because he wanted my parents to divorce."

"What? Why?"

"To liquidate my Dad's firm, so that he can buy it, and merge it into this mega corporation he is building."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, Aidan did. And it turns out that my parents are actually getting divorced now."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Thanks" I said putting out the cigarette, "but honestly, I think it is for the good. My parents never got along, ever. It was a marriage of convenience for both of them. I don't know why I was so mad about it."

"Have you talked to him ever since?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

I turned around and saw Aidan and Emily talk to an old couple. I felt my throat get heavy. I opened my purse for another cigarette.

"Yes" I said as the bar tender walked away after lighting it for the second time.

"But you don't want to hurt Aidan" Castor completed the train of thought.

"Aidan is perfect" I said, "and I genuinely thought that for once in my life I will be happy with him, but for some reason I'm not. I can't stop thinking about Frank." It felt weird to say it out loud like that for the first time. "I feel fucking awful. I don't deserve good things" I felt myself tearing up.

"You're not awful, Lizzie" he said calmly, "it happens to the best of us. You probably want different things from love than Aidan does."

"It's not just that" I said trying to hold back tears, "I don't even know anything about Darcy. In case you didn't notice, I just found out five minutes ago that his ex-wife is one of the most famous and beautiful woman on earth. She is 5'10, wearing Vera Wang custom gowns at Cannes and I'm…" I felt like I will break down, "… I'm the stuffy boring finance column they run besides phony penny stock portfolios" I dropped the lit cigarette in the ash tray and buried my face in my hands feeling the hot tears drench my palm.

"Is everything okay, sir?" the bar tender asked.

I swiftly wiped the tears away by my hands and straightened my back a bit. "Yes I'm fine" I said letting out a sigh. "I need to freshen up a bit" I said to Castor with a smile. I emptied the whiskey in one go and banged the glass on the counter, the bar tender looked at me spitefully while serving a drink to a couple of women.

"Do you need anything, Lizzie?" Castor asked.

"Yeah, I need to go to the bathroom; can you point me in the right direction?"

"Don't forget to give us special tickets for your Broadway show, Cas" Aidan said as him, me and Emily waited for the valet to bring our car.

"Of course" he said hugging Aidan and Emily. Chris did the same as the three of them started talking about visiting New York soon.

"Take Care, Lizzie" Castor said looking into my face with a rather sad emotion.

"I will, don't worry" I said as I stooped up to hug him.

"Handle all this mess before it's too late" Castor whispered in my ears, "he's already building his life around you, remember that."

I pulled back and looked at him. He had a sad smile and he gently squeezed my shoulder.

I sat quietly throughout the car ride feeling as if there was a huge boulder hung around my neck which I have been stupidly ignoring. I looked at Aidan talking animatedly about movies and celebrities with Emily, they apparently share an admiration for Elaine Bergmann. I pulled out my phone and googled Elaine Bergmann.

There was her Wikipedia page, which I opened to find the name of Frank Darcy, not hyperlinked (obviously); with the years 2009-2015 written in a bracket, followed by the name of her present husband, a famous country singer. I looked at the photograph of her, in a pristine white gown, looking away from the camera. Her platinum blonde hair blew in the wind with the sun behind her, her faced sunkissed and plump red lips parted seductively.

I was trying to conjure up an image of hers of how she might look in person, as if I was trying to get into the mind of Darcy. Suddenly I saw Jane's name flashing on the screen.

"Where are you?" she asked. I heard the announcer behind her screeching through the speakers. It sounded like Italian.

"We were at Castor's party, I messaged you about it."

"Yes of course, I remember" she said a bit flustered, "I didn't knew you would be still there, isn't it almost midnight there in LA?" she asked.

"Yes, we're leaving the party now. Where are you?"

"I am at Milan airport" she said, "I was helping mummy with her shifting" she mumbled.

"Oh" I said awkwardly, "Okay." Mother will be moving to Italy after all the divorce proceedings are done, Jane like the good daughter is helping her and her Boyfriend out.

"What are you doing next week?" she asked.

"Nothing, Why?"

"It's Dad's birthday next Saturday and he was hoping if all of us could be together for a birthday lunch or something."

"Where, in Beardsley?"

"No, Boston" she said, "Me, Dad, Mum and Michele, and we were hoping you and Aidan too."

"Who's Michele?"

"Mummy's boyfriend"

"Right"

"Listen, Lizzie" she said as it sounded like she finally sat down somewhere, "I really think you should be with us next week. Mummy hasn't seen you since Frank Darcy's birthday and neither has dad. I know this is a rough time for all of us but shutting ourselves out is hardly going to help. The divorce is the bitter reality, so is the selling of our estate in Beardsley but we need to be as amicable about it as we can, okay?"

"We'll be there Jane" I said.

"Good, I'll ask Dad to text you his address" Jane said, "Besides there is something very important that I need to talk to you about."

"Yeah, speaking of important Jane," I remembered, "You haven't told me about you and Bingley yet."

"I know" she said casually, "that is the important thing that I want to tell you guys."

"Oookay…" I said, a bit confused.

"We'll be where?" Aidan asked after I hung up.

"Jane wants us to have lunch with Dad, it's his birthday next saturday" I said with a sinking heart, "But you don't have to if you're busy, I'll handle Jane."

"No, what are you talking about Lizzie?" he said, "I'd love to come! I'll book flights first thing tomorrow."'

He gave me a long smile. Castors words kept ringing in my ears. He is really beginning to get into it, I can see it in this beautiful smile of it, the smile filled with love and compassion, a smile so genuine and earnest, and it felt like a fish-hook pulling on my skin.


	16. A Tempest in Boston

"Oh how I hate this dingy weather" Aidan said sardonically. The sky was overcast with bulbous blue-grey clouds looming atop brick buildings like some awful impending doom. The sedan drove past windy lanes and roads as Aidan sighed one too many times.

"How can anyone even live in a place like this?" he started again, "it's really great that I would be quitting that dungeon that is Darcy's office in New York. It is sunny warm Cali for the you and me, isn't it Lizzie?".

I was trying to hold back a lot of things. I stayed quiet for a few seconds thinking that I might get away with ignoring him for a few seconds but the insolent fool kept looking at me with hope and that smile of his. It was burning a hole in my mind.

"If you hate it so much why did you even come here with me for the weekend?" I asked in a low voice.

"That's… that is not what I meant Lizzie. I was just…" he stammered a bit.

"Aidan" I cut him short, "I'm sorry but there is a lot to process for me right now, okay? I am going to meet my parents for the first time after their divorce, along with my mother's new Italian boyfriend and all. I am not in a position to think about anything else right now."

"You're right, I'm sorry" he said calmly, "We'll talk later."

Here is a man who probably sees Frank Darcy almost every week of his life and he just can't wait to get away from it. Obviously he doesn't feel the same way for him as I do, he doesn't even know what I feel for him. Now that I think about it, do I know what I feel for him? He is someone who ruined my parents' marriage. What couple doesn't have their problems, but he came around and used those problems. I caught myself thinking about how awful my parents are going to be. I can't wait to see how awful this lunch is going to be. Plus, mother will chastise Jane for breaking up with the IG friendly Bingley. It would be a perfect cluster fuck. I can't wait to run away from all this.

His apartment looked very small and crammed from the outside but inside was an explosion of hallways and rooms. We were led into the dining room that looked like a refined version of a medieval dining hall, with a long wooden dining table and a cozy kitchen attached to it. It was already filled with people, the closeness of the room made it feel so anyways. The first person with whom I made eye contact was of course dad, who immediately came up and gave me a warm bear hug. It felt warm because he had been standing near the fire place with a glass of sherry in his hand. Sherry, it means that he was in a good mood.

He shook Aidan's hand formally. Aidan obliged and then walked towards the fireplace.

"When was the last time we were together like this, Lizzie?" Dad asked me while both of faced the modest little crowd. "I didn't want it to be like this dad" I said. I thought that I shouldn't have, dad seemed quite happy.

"Lizzie, dear" Dad looked at me with a pained expression, "I know it is hard for you to believe that but your mother and I, we are happy now. This is something that should have happened before, before we hurt each other so much."

"I am again really sorry dad" I said.

"Whatever for?" Dad asked gently.

"For running away like the way I did."

"It's no-one's fault, Lizzie" he said with a sigh, "it did hurt a bit when I didn't hear anything from you, especially when I needed my little warrior."

"Dad I…." I started talking like I was defeated. "It is okay dear. Don't worry about it. You are here now." He said as he put his hand on my shoulder.

I stopped and hugged him again, a bit tightly this time. I felt like I was going to cry but then I saw mum and Aidan talk to an olive-skinned man with a salt and pepper beard. He talked with extremely animated expression and he kept looking around the room.

"Is that Michele?" I asked rather scornfully to Dad while looking at him.

"Yes, and it would be quite inappropriate to not greet him now." He said as he started gently nudging me towards his direction.

"Lizzie!" my mum practically squealed as she swiftly came towards me and gave me a hug.

"I thought you really wouldn't come today" she whispered in my ears, "I missed you so much! thank god you're hear" she said as she pulled away from me, tears welling up in her eyes. _Damn, I never saw her like this_, I thought to myself.

"Mum I am really sorry about whatever happened back then" I said trying to avoid eye contact. I don't know, I felt a bit ashamed.

"Lizzie, I am the one who should be saying sorry to you" she said as she wiped tears from her face, "I put you and Jane through a lot."

"I hope I am not ruining the fun" Michele intervened nervously.

"Oh no not at all" mum laughed, "I am so sorry I got caught up a bit. Lizzie, this is Michele Marzanno, my boyfriend. Michele, this is my younger daughter, Elizabeth."

I shook his hand shyly. He was slightly shorter than mum but still felt big. His hands were like large bricks. He had some grey in his hair too, apart from the beard but he still looked younger than mum.

"Your mother talks about you and your sister a lot of times" he said. He had one of those European accents that was difficult to decipher, a touch of British, a flash of German, but hitting the hard r's like a true Italian.

"Not that I am not aware of the delicacy of the situation here" he continued with a low voice this time, "and apart from your father, I would like to apologize too, for all the complications our relationship might have caused here."

"It's okay, as long as mum and dad are happy" I said.

"Did everyone start without me?" I heard Jane's loud voice clear from the entrance of the dining room. Everyone moved towards her to greet her.

The dessert was being served when Jane tapped her glass with her silverware delicately. It was still full with the Rosé she was served during first course. The servants skillfully redacted themselves from the room after dispensing with the plates of chocolate covered strawberries, taking her tinkling glass as cue. I had just started skewering one of the strawberries through their frozen chocolate exterior when Jane started talking.

"Let me first thank dad for calling us all here for this lunch" she said as dad pressed her hand in his, "there is no doubt that we needed this after everything that has…" she glanced at me once, "happened in this family. Our lives, all our lives have gone through some dramatic shifts and changes in the past few months. A few good, many bad, but changes nevertheless…"

"Does she prepare speeches for every occasion?" Aidan whispered in my ears.

"Yeah I guess" I whispered back laughing.

"… I don't know how many of you heard about it but I and John Bingley are no longer together anymore" she said as she paused for a reaction.

"Oh my god Jane why?" mum as if on cue chimed in instantly.

"Jane is everything okay? What happened?" dad contributed.

"It is all good" she said after finally taking a strategic sip of the Rosé. "We separated on very cordial and mutual terms and we are will always will be extremely close friends."

"But Jane" mum started, very visibly agitated, "why **did **you separate in the first place? you were perfect for each other! I…" she started to get worked up but Michele stroked her arm and implored her to calm down. "Let Jane complete" he said to her calmly.

"So what happened?" dad asked rather bluntly, as if expecting her to say something he was anticipating.

"So, this might come as a shock to everyone sitting around this table" Jane started while looking at her plate. She drew a couple of long breaths, closed her eyes and dropped her head down to her chest. She held the edge of the table as she was sitting at the head of it. She finally raised her head and while staring at some void in the distance, said, "I am a lesbian."

The air of the room felt dense, as if some malevolent god somewhere watching this scene hit pause to relish and laugh at the hilarious faces each and every one on the table was making within the split second of registering what Jane Bennet was implying here.

"What!?" mum obviously broke the silence, "You are not kidding Jane?" her voice raising sharper and frantic with every word she spoke.

"Did you know about this?" Aidan whispered sharply.

"Obviously not!" I said, looking at him.

"I kind of knew this, to be honest" Dad said taking a sip satisfactorily.

"What do you mean you knew?" mum hissed at dad. Michele's attempts at trying to calm her down were failing.

"At least I knew that Jane wasn't happy with that air-headed blond, which is more than what you can say" Dad retorted without any agitation.

"So this is my fault too?" mum screamed.

"Okay, you guys are doing it again now, seriously!" Jane shouted, "This is about me now, this is me coming out, okay?"

"When did all this start?" mum asked.

"What do you mean when?" Jane asked back a bit aghast, "I'm not taking any drugs or something here mum, I have a lesbian for as long as I remember, I just kept suppressing that part of myself for all this time, but that is a story for another torture now… WILL YOU FUCKING SAY SOMETHING LIZZIE?!" she said while looking at me aggressively.

"Me?" I asked, caught a bit off guard, "what should I say? I am sorry you suffered for all this time. I'll be proud of you, Jane, no matter what."

The table fell quiet as mum sighed. Jane's big blue eyes welled up with tears. She got up from her chair and came to mine, got on her haunches and hugged me. "Lizzie, I knew you would always be there, I'm so sorry for keeping this from you." She said through her tears.

"Don't worry about it" I said, surprised by my own calm. Michele nudged mum by his elbows and gestured her to read the room. Mum sighed and said, "I am sorry Jane, I overreacted."

Jane turned and hugged her as well.

The ceremony of physically acknowledging Jane's coming out of the closet went on for another ten minutes. Aidan looked at all of this with pleasant amusement. He was invested enough to care but at the same time detached enough to not get carried away.

"'But when did you came to this conclusion, Jane?" dad asked, "and how did that air-headed blond boy took it?"

Everyone laughed at the insinuation. Jane started laughing too and wiping her face with the napkin said, "it is a bit of a long and boring story. We were just really struggling with bonding in that way. It was like I was always running away from things. But at the same time, both of us were very lucky. Both of us had friends who always helped us along the way. Especially Frank, he was the first one who realized the problem."

"Frank who dear?" Dad asked.

"Well, Frank Darcy of course!" Jane said.

"Catherine's son?" mum asked, pleasantly surprised.

"yes mum" Jane replied, "I know it is difficult to imagine him as someone like that, he comes across as very arrogant and rude to people. But he is really the nicest person I have ever know, as good as billionaires can get at least."

"It is like we never even fucking left Beardsley" Aidan scorned in my ear, "LA or Boston, people are always talking about him. I wonder if I'll still hear about him after quitting."

The voices of the people on the table crowded my mind. I peered outside the window and saw deep colored clouds pregnant with rain, heavily rumbling and thundering warningly. But inside this cozy dining room, people are talking, living their lives, completely oblivious to the storm building outside.

"Well, now that that's settled" dad sighed as the laughter of some previous joke (unheard by me) died down, "does anyone else have any more secrets to disclose?" The table erupted in cordial laughter again. The thunder outside punctuated the bouts of laugh.

"I hide gouda in my bed-side drawers!" Michele said in a comically elevated manner and accelerated the laugh. I smirked a bit.

"I hate lattes!" dad added on to Michele in good faith. I laughed at this.

"Sometimes while working I put on headphones without playing any music just so that nobody bothers me!" Aidan attempted. The laughter was now just to maintain the momentum off of previous ones.

But I started laughing with a certain commitment now. I felt like it was my turn to add into the piled of secrets/jokes, and I thought of the perfect one.

"I FUCKED FRANK DARCY!" I yelled as loud as the thunder outside.

The laughter erupted once again. Aidan laughed a bit uncomfortably, wondering if I would stick with it.

"See? I knew you all would consider it funny" I said as I saw the faces slowly started to turn serious, "this is why I never told you people this."

"Lizzie," Jane said, "What?"

"What?" I asked, still laughing.

"What are you serious?" Jane asked.

"We were telling our secrets, weren't we?" I said, "and considering that Frank won't leave me alone even in spirit I might as well acknowledge him."

"What the fuck are you saying, Lizzie?" Aidan said to me tartly, "Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"No, Aidan" I said exasperated, "I am dead serious."

"You had an affair with Frank Darcy?" mum asked, as she finally put two and two together, "when did this happen?"

"Since last August" I replied, "and I don't think it was an "affair" exactly."

Everyone had the expression of disbelief and they looked at me like I was crazy. Jane kept looking at me for a while hoping still that this was all some elaborate joke.

"Where did you even meet him?" mum asked.

"At the Tavern obviously" I said, "I didn't knew who he was, mum. I just wanted to get laid." I saw dad shuffle uncomfortably in his seat from the corner of my eyes.

"But why didn't you tell us that you were dating Frank?" Jane asked gently, getting a bit concerned now.

"Because I'm not dating him, Jane" I snapped, "and it has been ages since I saw him. The last time I saw him was when mum smacked me across the face." I started laughing again like a maniac after listening to myself say that sentence.

The room fell uncomfortably silent, and the tension finally broke when Aidan rapidly got up from his chair, threw the napkin on his plate of uneaten dessert and stormed out of the dining room. It has finally started to rain now.

I followed him to the hallway as the servants on the way did their best to be invisible to the ongoing drama.

He rummaged through the coats in the closet.

"Aidan" I yelled, "Where are you going?" I asked running towards him.

"Lizzie, don't" he said in a warning tone, "I honestly don't even know who you are anymore."

"I'm sorry but I didn't wanted to tell you all this" I said, starting to tear up now.

Aidan ignored. "I just can't believe all this is happening again to me."

"Again?" I asked.

"Oh" he looked at me, "You don't know about Nina?"

"Aidan, we never really" I hesitated a bit, "_talked._"

The fire in his eyes reignited. He gave a sardonic smile, looked away and nodded. "Of course" he said, "isn't he the ultimate alpha."

"What do you mean?" I asked getting a bit frustrated by his hurt feelings now.

"Nina used me to get to Darcy as well" he barked at me loudly, "in the same way you did."

"I didn't" I yelled back, full with fury, "I wanted to get away from him!"

"Yes, by using me!" he yelled back. His voice seemed to echo in the thunder whipping outdoors.

"I needed a friend, Aidan. I was so lonely" I said.

"So I was there to mop up the mess made by Frank Darcy?" he retorted, "To solve your Daddy issues?"

I fell silent.

"And here I was thinking about asking you to move with me to San Francisco" he mumbled like an angry teenage boy.

"Aidan" I said with my throat heavy and eyes straining, "I'm sorry but I'm just not happy with you."

"Yeah I can see why" he said.

"I'm so sorry" I trembled through my sobs.

"No, I'm sorry" he said finally putting his coat on, "for coming in the way of some middle aged billionaire robbing the fucking cradle. For a global billionaire his range of women is honestly disturbingly narrow."

"Where are you going?" I asked as he headed towards the door with his right hand searching for something in the inside of his coat.

"Away from you" he said without turning back, "Here's your flight ticket for LA. And don't even bother calling me."

He opened the door and let a wild heavy splatter of ferocious rain hit the entrance of the hallway. A gust of wind made the envelope on the dresses flutter angrily but before it could fall off the door was shut. He was gone, for good.


	17. Recovering the Red Sole

I collapsed right there on the rug that bore the cold brunt of the cold downpour of a momentarily opened front door. Hot tears streamed down my face as I kept staring at the blackness of the wooden door. For some crazy bizarre reason, I didn't expect him to comeback. It pained a bit, but it felt like someone took a load off of my head. I felt very light, air-headed almost, but also very immobilized. I pictured the pain the flitted across his face, how he controlled himself to not scowl at me. More than anything else, it was the rapidity of his departure that shocked me. He didn't even wait to grieve; it was almost like he left no time to even regret.

I heard the hard steps of Jane coming down the steps of the stair case. She stopped after seeing me sitting on the floor, holding my stomach in.

"Lizzie," she said softly without coming near, "are you okay?"

"No" I said through my tears. I stayed that way for a few seconds after finally mustering the courage to get up. I looked at the stairs and saw Jane looking at me concerned, and also mum standing at the top with a stern unpleasant expression.

"I'm sorry for stealing the thunder away from your coming out story" I said to Jane with a dry sarcastic chuckle.

"Lizzie," Jane sighed and closed her eyes for a few seconds in exasperation, "Why didn't you ever told any of us anything?" she seemed a bit disappointed.

I spotted mum's eyes glued to me, it felt like they were burning a hole. "What would have I said Jane?" I said, "That I'm the booty call of some obscure billionaire?"

"He is not some obscure billionaire" I heard mother hiss as she leaned onto the railings, "He is one of the richest men of this country, if not this world. And you are telling me that you have been having an affair with him right under my nose? Do you even know him?"

"No, mum, I don't" I said, "but you do, you knew his mother, right?"

"What?" Jane laughed nervously.

"Why are you surprised, Jane?" I said, "this is just another Tuesday in good old Bennet household. Not telling shit to your own family!"

I saw dad come outside after I screamed that accusation.

"Behave yourselves, ladies," he said, "what will our guest think of us?"

Jane looked at dad accusingly, hoping he would shut up, but I laughed sardonically at this.

"Maybe he will understand why I chose to leave this life" mum said coldly.

"How come you never told us about the Darcys?" I asked, "why did I have to fuck a guy to know that he is the son of my mother's best friend? I mean, that is a stupid question really, I didn't even knew about my mother's divorce from herself." I said as I climbed up the stairs.

"Elizabeth," mum said warningly, "don't."

"Don't what, mum?" I snapped back, raging with anger, as if everything that happened here was ultimately her fault.

"Lizzie, you don't know Darcy" she said quietly.

"and you do?" I asked.

"Yes" she said assertively, "I knew Catherine. She was my only friend for the longest of times and I miss her everyday even after all these months." Her eyes pooled with quivering tears.

Michele came as invisibly as he possibly could and put a gentle hand on mum's shoulder, but she ignored him.

She then slowly turned and moved towards the dining room again with Michele following her. Dad and Jane stood there casting periodic concerned glances towards me in an uncoordinated manner. I climbed up the stairs and went into a room that I presumed to be dad's bedroom and shut the door behind me. I fell onto the hard bed (old-age back problems turned dad away from soft mattresses) and dug my face in a fat pillow and released my eyes of torrents of tears. The rain stopped soon after and the orgasmic feeling one gets after a good soul crunching cry lulled me into a nice nap.

I was roused by a gentle knock on the door, the urgency of which was indicative of it being there for a good two minutes or so before I woke up. It was very dark outside now as the sky seemed a deep bluish-purple with rotund clouds framed by a wide window. I lay there listening to the knocks trying to build the mental courage to get up.

"Elizabeth" it was mum's soft voice that finally came through the door, "please open up. You didn't eat anything properly this afternoon, I have some sandwiches."

The shock of that sentence pulled me up. I sat there on the bed a bit confused, and out of curiosity I went and opened the door to behold the rare sight of mum holding a food item intended for other's consumption.

And there she stood, her expensive coat off, holding a plate of turkey sandwich, holding it up to me as if showing it for my disbelief. I moved aside so she can come in.

She looked around the room after putting the plate on a table. I sat and looked at her suspiciously, wondering what she would say.

She finally sat on the edge of the bed and looked down for a couple of minutes.

"You and I both know that I have never been the mother that you girls deserve." She started, "and we don't really have the time to get into all the things that I did wrong. I see now why you find yourself in a situation like you did with Frank, and I don't blame you. You see, Lizzie, me and Catherine were very close. Back in the day I had an affair with a British man named Henry Darcy. British was all the rage back in the day, James Bond, Beatles. And I loved the adventures he had. But he was a flawed man. Everything was about power with him. I knew I could never marry a guy like him. But I never could get him out of my head. I knew I should I stay away from him, but that man had a pull stronger than gravity, Which why I married your father soon after at the drop of a hat."

We sat there a bit quiet.

"And then?" I asked.

"And then he married Catherine" she said with a sigh, "and I was furiously jealous obviously. But then I finally met her. And I could see why he married a woman like that. So kind, such a gentle woman, so much compassion she had for literally everyone, even a bitch like me. She did what I thought was impossible, to love someone despite their worst parts. She was one to never judge anyone. Her elder George was just like her, a gentle little boy, but Frank" she said pausing and closing her eyes, "Frank was just like his father, on a bigger scale. And would you know it, the poor woman doted on him like hell. Till the day she breathed her last, she would ask for Frank and George would lie to her, because what else is the poor fellow supposed to do. But he never came." She was sobbing at this point now.

I have never seen mum like this, it felt very alien. But there was something comforting in the idea that both of us were talking about a guy that loomed so large over our lives.

"I am not saying that he is a bad person Lizzie" she continued, "but I felt really hurt that you were so alone in your life that any amount of attention from a man like him would drive you in such a place. I don't know what is going between you two now and I don't know if you even love Aidan or not, but I will say this to you; you better know what you are into before you go too deep into him. I know this because I have. I never found to be happy after Henry, no matter how hard I tried. I hope you do it better this time around." She paused again, "I know he has done a lot for this family, for whatever reasons, he knew what was right to do. But that doesn't make him a good person. He is just shrewd like that. It all turned out to be fine, yes, but it was all just prudent business decisions for him, maybe why he hasn't figured out a way to factor you in his life in anyway. And if you ask me, Lizzie, that is his loss."

I stared at her for a few minutes because it was surreal to see these expressions on her face, of vulnerability, of pain, of fear.

"Do eat the sandwich dear," she said retaining her usual coldness within a second as if she sensed that I was gauging her emotions for the first time in my life, "we will be having dinner around 9."

I spent the rest of the evening till dinner in that room as I heard some noises from the direction of the dining room occasionally, sometimes of the cook and his staff and sometimes of Michele and Dad, Mum and Jane, Jane and Michele and other possible permutations. I started to think, probably for the first time, this darkness that was inside Frank, this depth that was so apparent in him. I used to think that it might just be a wall, but it seemed more and more like a bottomless pit of despair. This animalistic instinct of his that I still find so arousing and adventurous was probably just indifferent hubris, the never ending lust of something that he always need to have at all times. A kind of darkness that probably blinds you towards anything else. I knew that I was no longer his only victim, or can I even use that word?

The effect he left on me, has it burnished me for the rest of my life? Am I doomed now? There are so many answers that I needed from him but I knew I will never now. I started to feel thankful of Aidan leaving, I did exactly what mother did all these years ago to get away from and failed spectacularly, I considered myself incredibly lucky to avoid it.

It was extremely clear that everything I did, I did to run away from him. I wanted to run away from this feeling of loneliness, or nothingness. But I was just running in circles.

Should I run away in another direction? No. I just couldn't think any other place to go. Just a second's worth of thought I gave to my job made me feel good about it. The job is good, boring at times and the people around are nothing like the ones under Cas, but it feels so refreshing, so calm, peacefully boring. I would not trade this for anything.

Should I even _be_ running away from Darcy? There is reason to be scared of his vastness, your entire identity being lost in his person. But then again, what is there to lose? I would like to take Frank Darcy head on. Stand up to him, or at least try my best to anyways. Try to understand how he holds so much power over people. Time to stare his vast infinite darkness in its eyes.

Another knock came on the door, this time along with the sound of Jane, "Lizzie?"

"Yeah, I'm coming" I said glancing at the clock showing 8:35.

But she has opened the door this time, carrying a box with her.

"It isn't about dinner" she said smilingly, "I made sure to pick this up when they were packing up our home in Beardlsey" she said gesturing towards the box. The box had the words "Christian Louboutin" in it's characteristic cursive. It took me a while to realize the significance of the box. But I still opened it to confirm.

The glittering golden heels stared back at me like they day they did when Jane gifted me them. For all these poor heels know, it is still 12 December, still waiting for me to wear them to Darcy's birthday party that mum was hosting. They might be living in an alternate universe where the shit never hit the fan.

"Thank you Jane" I said while still staring at the shoes, trying to relive the day for some masochistic reason.

Jane looked satisfied.

"Ready for dinner?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm starving."


End file.
